Déjà Vu
by Addiescrown
Summary: After a one night stand can change everything. Placed on season 4, what could have happened if Derek had forgotten about Meredith after the Burke & Yang-almost-wedding and if Addison hadn’t left Seattle. addek!
1. Pilot

_

déjà vu

/ ˈvuː,French deʒa vy/

_noun_

a feeling of having already experienced the present situation. The expression is derived from the French, meaning "already seen." When it occurs, it seems to spark our memory of a _place we have already been_, a _person_ we have already seen, or an _act_ we have _already_ _done_.

" feeling of déjà vu"

———

She had lost her right to sleep with Shepherd, since she wasn't one of those anymore.

Addison needs to get out. The slight movement she does, makes her realize she's trapped against him in that tiny bed, in that tiny trailer. A warm hand rests on her back, the other one wraps her to keep her close and rest her face on his chest. His warm chest.

His breathing is calm, which makes her feel cozy. This feels like reminiscing. She needs to get out. She figures a way to move her abdomen backwards, his hand drops from her side. Slowly she gets out of bed, the hand that was wrapping her drops too, and he makes a slight movement.

She finds her clothes and starts dressing up trying not to fall or make any noise that would wake him up.

She's about to perform her walk of shame out of his trailer, when she realizes it's been raining, there's mud and her heels will spoil, worst of all, she couldn't find her phone to call a cab.

"Where are you going?" A sleepy voice comes from the bed.

"Hey..." she drops her purse on the kitchen table and looks back to naked Derek Shepherd.

She didn't want to stay in bed until he would wake up, because that would be awkward. Maybe he would ask how she slept last night and she would reply with a short sentence and a long uncomfortable silence.

He sits on bed and runs a hand through that smooth hair, "You're leaving?" His sleepy voice asks.

She nods. "Yeah... um, yesterday. I mean, last night was a mistake." She puts her coat on and keeps looking around for her phone.

"Addison, you don't have to leave, you're gonna get wet." He notices the rain, for sure. The sound of the rain drops sound against the trailer's roof.

"My shift starts in two hours, can you call me a cab?"

He stands up and puts his boxers on., "Sure." He walks into the kitchen. She hopes she won't melt into his ocean eyes.

"I thought this was going to be awkward." She says, inhaling sharply. She shakes her head and sits on the small couch.

He takes out the coffee beans. The same ones Addison had bought for him before the divorce. "Want some coffee?" He asks nicely.

Addison observed him, every movement, every inch of him. She doesn't deny last night, she wishes she would. He obviously regrets it, having sex with her last night. Wrapping his arms around her and kissing her at first.

She sighs. "What are we gonna do about this? Act like we didn't do anything? We're not married anymore." She joins her hair into a ponytail.

"Chill, we had a one night stand. It's nothing new for either of us." He fills a cup with black coffee and walks towards Addison. The redhead looks into his eyes and she feels how her heart melts slowly.

She takes the cup and nods. "We slept together, Derek."

He nods.

•••

_14 hours ago..._

Addison takes Derek by the arm gently as they enter to Joe's together after a long shift. "Look at us, we're a mature divorced couple." She laughs to herself internally.

He giggles out loud and allows the neonatal surgeon to interlock arms with her. "Not a couple anymore though." He clarifies the already known.

They were being polite, mature as she said, they were going out together as a civilized couple of old friends.

"Aw, you're cranky. Let's get you cheered up." They walk together towards the bar, Joe smiles at both surgeons from far away.

"By getting me drunk?" Derek laughs, taking a sit.

Addison shakes her head and checks the hour on her watch. It wasn't that late. "What? No. We're just drinking as friends." She adds a friendly smile. "Friends do that. They go out and have a drink." She explains the intention of dragging the black haired man inside of the bar.

"What's the rush with being friends anyway?" He asks, raising his hand a little at Joe.

"You broke up with the silly intern, Preston is gone, Mark is screwing nurses and avoiding me. We owe each other some support." She says sitting properly on her chair. Leaving her purse on the table.

"Okay maybe." He nods, still waiting for Joe to come back and start preparing their drinks. The talk with Addison was awkward, she was mostly rambling around. Too much effort coming from her.

"Plus, this redhead needs a drink." She says, moving some hairs away from her face.

"Oh God, Los Ángeles infected you somehow. Did you just called yourself as 'this redhead'?!" He laughs.

She tilts her head and rolls her eyes. "Derek, don't bother a woman who needs alcohol."

Joe finally gets around and takes their orders. As always, Addison ordered a martini. Derek ordered his classic Malta scotch. It was weird to go out with Addison after all that has happened, he wanted to take it easy, but it felt weird. Odd.

Sometimes he wondered why he decided to throw their marriage through the window; they could have worked everything up. And he wouldn't have lost that much time with a young intern who didn't seem to be as wise as people always thought she was.

Addison doesn't know what to think about the whole mess that leaded them to their divorce. She never imagined herself to end up being in the position of te cheater, not after her family drama with her dad. It wasn't meant to be. She didn't want to be like that. Addison must admit she was surprised too when she slept with Sloan, it wasn't a wise decision, at all.

She could regret that her whole life, but the hope that things would some day fix and "patch up" was gone for good. Now she wasn't hurting, but still felt incomplete. Like there was something else they could have done. Something she could have done to not let everything fall down.

"I'm not dating young women anymore." Derek says after his second glass of scotch.

She takes a sip of her martini and looks straight at him with a curios expression. "You aren't?" She giggles a little.

"No. Too young. It's like sending a five year old kid to a supermarket. Useless."

"Odd comparison, but okay." Addison laughs and takes another sip of her drink. She looks to her left, where her purse was. She needed her phone to check if Naomi was still sending texts trying to convince her on joining the practice.

About to do that her eyes stop at the image of a young couple. A brown haired woman that must have been on her twenties and the man next to her that had black hair, a little more darker than Derek's.

"Hey, look at that." Addison tells Derek.

He takes another sip of his drink and looks the way Addison is ordering him; "I bet they are just married."

"I've got an idea." She says, taking her purse and adding some extra lipstick to her lips.

Derek shakes his head. He knows this woman too well to just assume what's gonna happen next. "Addison, please don't tell me you're gonna make me go over there." He complains.

Addison puts her lipstick back on her bag, "It will be fun! Like role playing." She winks an eye at him.

He rolls his eyes, "What are you saying?"

"Choose a name." She asks, starting to unbutton his shirt a little.

He looks down to the redhead woman who just unbuttoned two of his shirt buttons and is now unbuttoning her own. "I should tell Joe to stop giving you alcohol."

"Pick a name, come on." She asks again.

He takes another sip of his scotch and ends up doing whatever she wants to do. "Female or Male?"

"Doesn't matter." She says.

"Vanessa."

"Alright, I'm going to be Vanessa and you will be Tyler." She starts standing up from her chair.

He giggles and then rolls his eyes playfully, "Why do I have the name of a high school popular boy?"

"Shut up, just come here. It will be fun." She grabs his hands and makes him walk away with her towards the young couple she had spotted before.

Addison doesn't let go of his hand until they are face to face with that couple.

Addison squeezes his hand gently, he doesn't know why and he doesn't think he'll ever ask why. "Hey, I'm sorry, we saw you guys here and we thought; wow, they look so happy." She says at first.

"Haha, thanks." The young man nods.

Addison nods, "Happily married?"

"Yes! Actually yes. Seven months now." The young girl says, nodding her head.

Derek plays along immediately, "I have never ever seen you two around here." That way he gets another gentle squeeze from his ex wife.

The young woman shakes her head, but keeps that shiny smile on, "Oh, we aren't from here. We're from Florida." She informs them.

"And You choose a place like Seattle to visit?!" Addison asks surprised, as her liking could never have been Seattle when it came to visiting new places.

"My brother lives here, that's why." The young man replies, offering an awkward smile to the redhead.

"Oh, I see." She nods, smiling to both. "Well, this is Tyler, my husband." She looks at Derek.

"Hi!" The young woman offers her hand so Derek could stretch it, and so he does.

"Nice meeting you." Derek keeps on playing along, and then stretches hands with the young guy.

"I'm Lidia." The woman says, enchanted after meeting such nice people in a bar.

"You have a nice name Lidia, I'm Vanessa." Addison doesn't loose her character. She could be horrible at faking stuff, but these two people didn't know that because they never saw them before in their whole existence.

"Yours is very nice too." Lidia says.

The young man smiles at Addison and Derek, well, in this case, Tyler and Vanessa. "Oh, I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Jessie."

Addison stopped on holding Derek's hand, "Oh my- We called our first kid Jessie."

"You have kids!?" Lidia asks, surprised, they both seemed still young for the strangers.

"Two, little Emily and our Jessie." Derek replies.

"Do you mind if we... sit with you guys?" Lidia asks with an awkward smile.

After a couple of drinks together and a fluent conversation, they seem old friends talking in a bar. The only problem comes to their performance is when Lidia asks nicely, "where are your rings? You said you were married."

After that question Addison had panicked a little, but she was easily saved by Derek; who immediately replied: "We aren't wearing them right now. We just came out of a long surgery."

Jessie asks, taking a sip of his beer, "You guys are doctors?!"

"Surgeons, but yes, they call us that too." Tyler replies, smiling.

Lidia nods in understanding, "Doctor Vanessa Lifton and Doctor Tyler Lifton. Wow, I'm so sure you guys love your job." She giggles a little and takes another sip of her margarita.

"We do!" Vanessa says.

Jessie seems to be having fun, "What are your specialities?"

"Wait, no, lemme guess." Lidia asks and gives te 'married' couple a look. "You're from... you have a face that you like kids. Pediatrics, right?" Lidia asks Vanessa. The redhead takes a couple of seconds thinking about her answer. This was fun, and exciting.

"You caught me. How did you know?!" Addison laughs a little.

After the two strangers they met in the bar left, they were Addison and Derek again. No more Tyler and Vanessa.

Derek laughs, "I must admit that was quite fun, Vanessa." They both laugh at that, looking into each other's ocean eyes.

"I told you it would be, Tyler." She moves her head a little to the side, still smiling at the man that she once called her husband and now just called him like that for an hour and a half.

He takes the last sip of his drink and looks into her eyes again, "For real, I had fun, thanks Addie." He thanks her, he thanks the woman he fell in love with thousands of times during eleven years, almost twelve.

"My pleasure!" She giggles.

After a couple of minutes of looking at each other, both sinking in the liquor they had drunken already, it felt right for her to lean closer. This was her _ex_, but for her, he was still occupying a very special and important part inside of her heart. It felt mean to be to brush her lips slightly against his.

He didn't pull out anytime soon, he just kissed her back, gently. The lights of the bar were low, their kiss wasn't important to anyone inside of there, they were in a private space for just a second. But reality hits her after a couple of minutes, when his hand arrives on her cheek.

"I had more drinks than you." She says, taking a deep breath after their lips break apart.

"I'll drive then." He says, helping her down from her chair.

They both walked outside and got inside of Derek's car.

•••

His touch feels familiar. His hands going up and down her sides, his lips kissing hers, his body and hers fit perfectly as always. It feels okay. It feels right. Even if the alcohol is the one speaking, he feels the necessity of her body; the feeling is mutual.

She never liked that trailer, she hated it; but it had it's good qualities. The fact that it was in the middle of the nowhere was one, she could be as loud as she wanted and she could even walk naked around and no one would ever see her. Maybe a couple of birds.

Addison missed being with Derek, after a long time of being Addison and Derek, she couldn't just cut the connection in a couple of days. It was painful.

It felt good to have him back, even if it wasn't in the best scenario or time.

•••

_Present..._

"Weren't you dating Grey?" Torres asks approaching Derek, who's walking through the corridors, on his way to check his patient's CTs.

He shakes his head, "Not anymore."

"Why is that?" The orthopedic surgeon asks. Callie Torres never was that friendly to Derek, they barely knew each other, but as far as he knew about her, Addison had found a friend in her.

He laughs sarcastically, "Everyone knows about it, don't they?" He was talking about the end of his relationship with Grey after the failed wedding.

"Rumor says you're back with Montgomery." Callie keeps walking next to him.

"Why?" He stops walking and looks curious at the brunette woman, "Did she mention anything?!" He's concerned Addison's tongue could have said something too extra.

He was also concerned if he was ever going to do stuff with her and her tongue too, but he didn't know what to think about this, not yet.

"No, she didn't. At least not yet. Are you hiding something?" The orthopedic surgeon stays in front of McDreamy and tries to find some answer from the confused look on his eyes.

"I don't gossip." He shrugs.

"I do." She smiles and nods. "Rumor has it you drove her over here."

He rolls his eyes and keeps on walking now, "She needed a ride." That's the succint explanation he will tell people from now on.

"She has a car." Callie says.

"She lost her phone and I could pick her up."

"The car is still there." Callie says, fighting his excuses easily.

He nods, "She asked for a ride, I acted polite and picked her up." He says with that charming and sweet voice.

Callie kept on insisting, trying to reach some point apparently. "If she lost her phone how did she asked for a ride?"

"The hotel phone." He was good at lying!

Callie nods and stops this game, "Right... anyway, if you see her please ask her to come to exam room nine, I paged her like three times." She asks nicely.

"Will do." The neurosurgeon says, giving her an assuring nod.

•••

Hours passed and Derek couldn't find the stunning redhead anywhere. He paged her, twice. He couldn't call her to her mobile.

Addison was confused about all that happened last night and how Derek acted so naturally after it, like nothing happened, like it wasn't something that important.

When it certainly was important for him.

This meant a lot.

He felt like a part of him was lost for a long time, and that piece of the puzzle has been finally found and came back to the right place. Derek knows last night was reckless and inappropriate, probably not romantic at all. But he recuperated something he lost and missed.

Maybe... perhaps...

Just perhaps his heart realized how stupid it was to leave Addison behind and try to 'move on' when actually he was doing the worst.

Perhaps...

He was in love with her.

He never stopped loving her, the revenge and anger had made him blind for a long time. Until hours ago when they reunited again and he found what he was looking for.

_Her._

He was looking for _her_.

Derek spots the redhead on a nurse station, she turns around, her expression shows instant panick. The neonatal surgeon grabs the chart she was holding with a most firm manner and walked away as quick as she could.

He followed behind her, that red hairs moving from the velocity she was acquiring meanwhile she was literally jogging on heels in the middle of a hospital corridor.

He catches her waist and makes her to stop from going any further from there.

"Doctor Montgomery, may I speak with you?" Derek offers a cheeky smile; she instantly felt awkward.

She shakes her head, taking her glasses off. "Derek, it's not the right time." she leaves her glasses hanging on the neckline of her blouse.

"Stop avoiding me." He says, resting his hands on the pockets of his lab coat. Eyes on her eyes.

She sighs, "What so you expect me to do?"

"To talk to me." He suggests. "By the way, I don't know how but you're fast. Even when you wear high heels. You're fast and you don't have any kind of injury?" He chuckles a little.

"Derek, we can't do this. People are staring." She looks to both ways, some nurses seemed hawks.

He looks around, too, now knowing what she was referring to. "They can gossip all that they want."

"We can talk but please just, not now." She begs, and starts walking again.

He follows next to her, walking as fast as she was. "If for you it was that bad, it's okay, I'm just disappointed you found it as something that didn't mean anything."

"I didn't say that!" She stops from walking, meeting his teasing look. He's trying to conquer her.

He smiles innocently, "You're acting like you did."

"I don't feel like talking right now, just, find my phone and leave it in the lobby of my hotel. Alright? I need time to think." She says, now walking away again, decided to end the conversation.

He tries to stop her. "Addie..." She takes a few steps closer to him and gets serious.

"Please, don't call me that. I'm Doctor Montgomery for everyone, specially you." She says, now leaving him in there alone.

She walks away the fastest she can, she doesn't want to call the attention, she doesn't want to be stared at, but her mission doesn't work that good anyway. Getting away from him is the best she can do.

Addison denies to herself that she feels something for him again. Even if she does, she's trying to hide it, to burry it.

Her mind repeats and repeats the events from last night, like a DVD that won't stop playing. Not even on her sleep.

Why getting attached?

Everytime she ever got attached she lost something. _Someone._

•••

He enters the trailer after a long day. His goal is finding Addison's phone as soon as possible. He cleans the trailer first, hoping he could find the blackberry.

Addison's ringtone fills the room. Under the bed, for sure. He takes the cell phone out of there and answers the call.

Derek answers the unknown number, "Hello?"

"Addison? Wait, who's this?" A male voice talks through the phone, at least he's not Mark. Or Archer.

If someone was calling Addison, that someone probably knew Derek or who he was, "It's Derek." Even if Addison could have met someone back in LA or during the time they were broken apart, but he didn't want that to happen. He didn't want some other guy trying to steal her from Shepherd like some kind of trophy.

The man on the phone does a sarcastic short laugh and breathes deeply, "You're kidding?"

"Um, I'm pretty sure of who I am." Derek chuckles a little, "Who's this?"

"She doesn't have me on her contacts? For real? Ugh." The male voice sounds mad or angry, maybe disappointed. Derek can't really tell, the thought of Addison falling in love or hooking up with someone besides him, makes him feel quite insecure.

Derek doesn't know what to respond, so he goes with the same question in different words; "Umm, can you tell me who you are?"

"It's Donovan."

"Donovan?" Eric Donovan totally had a crush on Addison since the first day he met her. He was Nancy's husband brother. Woah, I haven't heard of you..."

"In a year and some months." The man finishes te sentence for him.

"Yeah." Derek nods, knowing Eric might be on his New York penthouse drinking a mimosa and doing his weird angry rich guy face. Derek never liked him.

"I was calling to know how is she doing." Eric shows his concern. "She told Nancy she would consider on moving back to the big apple."

Big surprise for Derek. He's totally jealous about another man calling his ex wife... He never thought Addison could come back there, of course she loved the city, fashion, the weather and her family and his family were there. But the neurosurgeon never thought she would ever come back to a place where all of their sad and happy moments were built.

"Really? She never mentioned anything." Derek feels odd about the subject.

"Well, you two aren't together anymore. Aren't you?" Eric asks.

Derek shakes his head. "No, it's over." He wishes e hadn't said that.

"Nice." Eric says.

"Do you want me to leave a message?"

"Just please tell her to call me back."

"Okay, I will do that. Bye Eric." Derek ends the call and checks the hour. Addison was probably already inside of her hotel room. Perhaps getting drunk, watching a sad movie, or just sleeping.

He wanted to see her. Talk to her. Maybe confront her about Donovan. Try to flirt a little. Find a way to get her back into his arms and not let her go this time.

Derek knew Addison had chosen to end things with him. She didn't want to keep getting hurt when all she was trying to do is making things right, at least giving them a chance. His choice on cheating on her wasn't the wisest thing he has ever done, he wasn't proud either. He could blame the crappy alcohol there was at prom and the revenge and awkwardness.

Addison Montgomery... God, she was all he ever wanted. She was all he ever _had_. She was all he ever _lost. _

He lost her.

But, just maybe...

Maybe _not forever. _

•••

_This was the first chapter! Okay, I really don't know how but I'll try to keep on writing this story and my other story "No Goodbyes". !!_

_Review and let me know if I should continue this. _

_:)_


	2. Flourishing

/_chapters every Saturday or whenever I can each week :)_

_~_

_reminisce_

_/ˌrɛmɪˈnɪs/_

_verb_

_gerund or present participle: **reminiscing**_

_indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events. "they reminisced about their summers abroad"_

_synonyms:_

_remember (with pleasure), cast one's mind back to, think back to, look back on, be nostalgic about, hark back to, recall, recollect, reflect on, call to mind, review;_

_exchange memories, take a trip down memory lane, indulge in reminiscence_. 

_

•••

_

She sleeps on her chest, calm breathing. Her hand is placed on his shoulder, he's sitting on bed, holding her closer to his body; allowing her to rest in there for a while longer. It's still early.

The facts from last night repeat once again.

She's wearing his sweater, the same sweater she took off from him last night. Should she feel bad about this? Awkward? Another mistake committed?

Addison's phone starts buzzing on top of her nightstand. She opens her eyes quickly, being totally woken up by the sound of it. She unfolds herself away from Derek's embrace and grabs her phone, checking who's calling.

She feels hot, so she takes the sweater off, not caring if the man next to her is watching.

"Ah, um... Addison Montgomery, who's this?" Her sleepy voice answers the phone. "Oh, Nae... sorry. I didn't- I just woke up."

Derek looks at Addison, her red curls all messy and that naked back, the view of her smooth skin. He loved this; waking up next to that breathtaking redhead woman and being able to caress her skin, kiss her lips, look into her eyes and mumble pretty sentences that did have a meaning for him. There was a extreme he was willing to take, because he did wanted that, he wanted her, and not just for fun.

Having her back was a goal. Not a game or competition against the douche Donovan or the small crush Mark used to have on her.

"Nae, I know you have enough space for me... but I like cutting, bleedings, I like shocking cases..." she sighs, sitting back more comfortably, resting her head on his shoulder and grabbing the covers so she could be able to cover her breasts. "Seattle is my new home. Rainy, ugly, kinda old fashioned, but I like it here. I got a woman with two uteruses! Two!"

Derek chuckles a little at her excitement and moves some hair away from her face.

"I'm not staying because of him, or anyone." Derek looks confused, he cannot hear Naomi on the other side of the phone, but can guess the conversation is about him or... Mark. Everything was always about Mark, wasn't it?

"He's done with me, I'm done with him. Mark and I were just... something that didn't have to happen but it happened. Like in those old movies when the woman appears with a white cat and the next take is a gray cat."

"Which movie is that?" He whispers on her ear.

She covers the phone and raises an eyebrow at him, "Shh, shut up." She then comes back on talking to her best friend at med school.

"Stop trying to convince me, I went over there to see you, see what you were up to, a little vacation and for some help from you... things don't go as planned." She gets closer to Derek, enjoying the warm his body radiated her. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her a little closer. "Alright Nae, talk to you later."

Addison ends the call and leaves the phone on the nightstand again, then she takes place back on resting her head on his chest and running patterns on his chest with her hand. She groans, tired.

"Last night was... fun." She says, reality hitting her hard. She did it again.

Derek nods and caresses her bare back, "It was."

"Derek, what are we doing?" She looks up to his ocean eyes and perfect smile.

He looks into her eyes and wishes he wouldn't feel this way. "We are failing our mistresses", not only them, but also themselves. Creating mutual illusions about a romance that already died, no hope for it to revive.

She bits her lip, "We aren't committing sins, aren't we? We said until death do us apart, we're keeping our word."

"Yeah, this is... legal." They both chuckle a little, their laugh making them shake a little, make them get closer.

She sighs after an awkward silence, "We can't keep doing this, you know that? We're supposed to be a mature divorced couple, move on." She moves some hairs out of her face and grabs his hand, squeezing it gently, "I should look around for some other guy... or i could turn into a lesbian."

He doesn't stop the contact of his hands against her body, there's no reason why he would stop to make her feel special. "Addison..." he giggles shortly and quickly, something soft and short.

"I mean, maybe it's funnier with another girl." She looks down to the union of their hands.

Another awkward silence, was mostly a little free time he used to find the exact words to express himself, "I like this."

"What do you mean? You like the idea of me and another woman having sex?" She laughs, but then stops when his face is serious at the comment.

He shakes his head a little, "What? No."

"Then What is it?" She looks curiously into his eyes, he feels like he's been cursed. Those eyes have some kind of sparkle or light that gives him even more desire of kissing her and embracing her again.

"Nothing." He shuts up and kisses the top of her head, stroking her hand with his thumb, meanwhile they are still holding hands.

She squeezes his hand gently again, she knows this feels right, she knows she wants him back. She will always want him back, or at least will leave an empty spot inside of her heart, only for him.

"You're getting used to this, aren't you?" She asks, looking up to him again, her head comfortable on his warm chest, with that protective arm covering, and his strong hand holding hers.

For a moment they both could feel complete and don't feel sorry or uncomfortable in any way. It was her. It was him. It was them... Addison and Derek. Derek and Addison.

"Addie..." he doesn't want to answer that, he doesn't want this small affair to end this fast. He was enjoying having her next to his body every night, almost like they never got divorced and Mark and Meredith were totally deleted from any kind of map.

She wishes she wouldn't have realized this, "You're getting used to break up sex!" She unfolds her hand from his quick enough, giving him a little and playful hit on the wrist.

"Ouch. Is that even a thing?" He asks, giggling at her cute annoyed but funny face.

"It is now, so yes." She nods.

It's scary to realize you can fall in love more than twice for the same person and still come back after your heart has been broken too many times. It's like a drug.

She tries to resist herself, but screw It. Right? She kisses him passionately and enjoys it. Not regretting it after their lips break apart and they can gasp for air.

"Um... I should..." She gets off of his embrace, grabbing her robe, "you should be leaving by now." She got out of bed and wore her robe, "Our shifts start in a couple of hours." She looks back to Derek, who looks a little disappointed.

"I can stay." He offers a smile, "Help you wash your back... or give you a massage under the water like I used to." He winks at her. She bits her lip and leans on again, pecking his lips, stroking his cheek.

"Exactly, used to." She now walks to the walk in closet her suite had. "This isn't New York anymore, there's not a ring to blame. You're free to go." She says from far away.

Derek sighs and gets out of bed, starts recollecting his clothes.

A part of hers says: stop falling in love with him, you'll end up like the cheater again! Or he will! But there's another part that says: fall into his arms and complain about letting him go.

He dresses up quick enough, and scapes the hotel room meanwhile his redhead ex wife (now lover) was showering. He closes the door behind his back.

"Hey!" Derek jumps, scared at the familiar voice.

The black haired and smart orthopedic surgeon seems to know the situation this time, "Why were you inside of Montgomery's room?" She smiles casually.

"Callie. Hey." He greets first, hoping there's no lipstick on his shirt or any hickey from Addison. Maybe his hair was too messy?

Callie moves her head a little to the side and frowns at him, "I was right about you two, right?" She asks playfully, winking an eye at him, with a big smile.

"Ah? No." He shakes his head. "I mean, yeah, I came by to drop her phone." He explains the situation in a most understanding way.

"You had it?" Calliope Torres is confused and every hint takes her to her very first argument: _an affair._

"No, I found it at Joe's last night." He lies. He was a pro at this lately, he could just lie about a thousand things and act naturally. No pressure.

She nods, "Oh, I see. Where are you going now?"

She seems nice, Callie... but it's a hard rock and a difficult place to walk in, judging by the fact that she suspected something between Addison and Derek was happening. He didn't want it to spoil, his new adventure with Addison, which is why he preferred to ignore these kind of situations.

"Back to my place, I forgot something there." He says.

"Oh okay, see you at work, Doctor Shepherd."

•••

The day goes busy for both surgeons, which didn't give anyone of them any time to stalk each other besides Addison's consult. He gave her sweet looks and smirks throughout the day, she tried not to reply to those, but her melting heart and inevitable confusion and happiness were radiating through her pores.

Callie and Addison sit on a table far away from the entry of Joe's bar. Addison knows Derek is getting out late and she needs a drink, probably two. She needs to clear her mind, or just vent about it with Callie, who seemed to enjoy the whole Shepherd mess.

"I mean, Derek and I... God, I wish I could be ready for something like that." Addison shakes her head and takes a sip of her red wine. Tonight she needed a different poison, martinis could get too classic on her.

The orthopedic surgeon gives the redhead a look, "What are you talking about? You guys were married." Callie chuckles and keeps on twirling her hair on her finger.

"That's why. It's awkward." Addison says, sighing. "We ended everything and now we're feeling like getting back together? I mean, I don't even know what he feels for me." She shares her issues right away in the need of someone that could listen to her and advice her.

"By the way he still thinks I don't truly know about you guys and I love to bother him around." Both women laugh at that, "He's pretty good lying." Callie takes a sip of her beer and focuses back on the current subject and conversation.

"What if I fall in love again, I confess all my dysfunctional feelings and he doesn't feel the same way?" She looks down a little defeated, holding the glass up from the table.

Callie rolls her eyes, both, Addison and Derek were falling for each other slowly, and everyone could see that from miles away, "Addison, maybe he lies about you and him because he wants this to last?" Callie tries to find a way to convince her Derek wants her back, because she knows they were meant to be. Even Mark knew it and tried to deny it when there was an opportunity.

"Okay, on who's side are you? Me or him?" Addison looks into Callie's eyes, showing a serious look and a small smirk on her red lips.

"None. I mean, yours, of course." Callie nods, "I'm just saying that he might be falling for you too." Torres wanted her friend happy, and she was too afraid her heart might get broken again, but giving it a chance wasn't going to be that bad; after all they knew each other for almost sixteen years.

"I know that man since forever, Callie. Forever. I can't seem to read him now, I've lost my gift." Addison takes another sip of her red wine and moves some hairs out of her face, looking down again. Her mind spinning and spinning, not knowing what is the right or not right thing to do.

Callie sighs, knowing the next question she'll ask won't help, "Is the sex good tho?"

Both Addison and Calliope laugh at that for a couple of minutes.

She shakes her head and inhales sharply, adding a short and soft giggle, remembering all of their fun times in the most rare places, "I'm not going to discuss with you about the sex me and my ex husband have. I mean, _had_."

There's a small awkward silence, "Yeah, had." She mumbles to herself, disappointment on herself, knowing she has screw up everything. Everything she really cared about. _Him_.

"You never share details, selfish." Callie tries to cheer her up a little.

She tilts her head a little, barely. "I would but that would lead me to getting inside of her trailer tonight and I have to stop this strange addiction." She says out loud, more wine to herself. She's considering on ordering the bottle if it's needed.

Callie shakes her head, a little tired of Addison's denial when it comes to Derek feeling the same for her, "You should just say it."

"What?" She asks confused, taking another sip of the red poison she has chosen for tonight.

"Derek: I am in love with you, now kiss me." Callie imitates her with a five year old kinda voice.

"Shut up!" Addison laughs, but stops immediately. "I can't do that. I'm pretty sure he's still depressed that the little intern has hung up on him." She says, now looking at her hand, where her ring was supposed to be.

Sometimes she wishes she hadn't throw them away, the mark on her finger is still noticeable and she hopes it would just fade away before her mind keeps on playing old movies inside of her head.

It's like her own cinema, the movie plays and plays, and you can play it whenever you want, it's just one of those beautiful fairytales but it doesn't have a happy ending.

"If it was like you say, then why is Derek staring at you the whole day and tries to ignore Meredith?" Callie snaps at her, "I've had enough with them not paying attention to me, now Meredith has her own interns to take care of."

"True, they aren't silly kids anymore." Addison rolls her eyes, "Now... now they are teenagers, hopeful their mom's won't get them grounded during summer break." They both giggle a little.

"Wait, wait... then what am i? I'm not an attending yet." Callie points out. Addison nods, trying to find a way to reply to that in a proper way.

"You're what I like to call... an almost adult kinda kid." She laughs.

Callie takes another sip of her beer and looks into the redhead sad eyes, "We should get drunk together more often." The orthopedic surgeon crosses her arms over her chest and sits in a much more comfortable way.

"Yes we should, actually that's all we should do." Addison suggests, "Drink together, so we both ignore our whatever they are."

"Our whatever they are? I don't have anyone." Callie tries to deny it.

Addison shakes her head and laughs, "Um, Mark. I am some kind of infectious virus to Mark, so he won't come anywhere near, and Derek is panicked of you finding out about our romance."

Callie sighs, "We are such losers."

"I know." Addison looks down to her finger again and rubs the mark that her rings had left.

She thought everything would last for a lifetime, long one. They were going to be happy and cherish each other during their worse and best times. That was what they have had promised each other. Is still a disappointment how they broke all of those promises, all of those wishes and dreams. She was guilty because of all of that: Their end.

Both women think for a moment; life is rough. Why finding a perfect match was so difficult? They could just be happy and cheerful everyday, risk things, live a little, be extreme... but there was always someone standing in that doorway, not letting them leave the room.

Callie sighs again, "We have the possibility of getting laid and we prefer to be together in a bad crying out our sex interests." The black haired woman say.

"We really are losers." Addison says, now taking her hand to her neck, where her necklace was. It was a necklace that had a letter _F._

Derek had gave her that necklace after their fourth date, she remembers it perfectly. Derek will always argue it was their third date, but Addison knew it was the fourth, maybe Derek had trouble on knowing exactly which one of their dates was because he was always lost into her eyes and her soft voice, her cute stories, her beautiful heart.

The F meant "_flourishing_".

For Derek, Addison was a flower. A strong, wise and beautiful flower that was flourishing slowly.

•••

_Sixteen years ago..._

He opened a red box, letting Addison see a necklace, it was nothing sparkly or even expensive, but for her for some reason it felt like the most valuable jewel ever.

"Use this, the F means Flourishing. I... I've realized you're different. Different to any other women." He smiles at her and takes the necklace out of the box, slowly. "You're passionate about helping others, you're compassionate. When I first met you, you were a closed book and I couldn't even try to open you, because it felt like I was opening a pandora box, I didn't know what was inside... until I did open the book, and the pages left me shook."

She places a hand on her chest and smiles brightly at the man of her dreams, the only human being she could be herself around of, "Derek... I... woah, I'm..." She was speechless, filled by happiness and magic.

He shakes his head slightly and smiles at her, too. "I'm not finished yet. You don't hide yourself, you bloom in front of me and you enjoy sharing it. You're allowing me to flourish along with you." He said, sweetly, looking into that big pale blue greenish eyes she had. Those eyes that changed throughout the seasons of the year, some seasons a little bit much more greenish, some seasons totally blue ocean.

"It's just a material piece, just a reminder for both of us." His free hand strokes her cheek, "I'll look at it every morning after waking up with you, and every night before going to bed, every time after fights, after fun moments, during festivities... and all of that." He could be a cheesy man, a softie. "But the actual reminder is inside of my heart, always beating for you, Addie." His blue ocean eyes that made her cry, cry of joy.

Back then Addison Montgomery was a naive young girl that thought she could do something big for the world, change something, maybe _someone_. Addison always thought she was one day going to be able to show the world her sparkle.

Instead she found him, the world where she got to show her sparkle, to _flourish. _A world that meant everything for her, where smiles were always allowed, and love was just one of the most obligatory things, along with passion, trust and loyalty.

So sad some of the rules got broken.

•••

_Present..._

Addison sighs, reminding herself she's not miserable enough, because one of the sad facts of life has been remembered now, "Wanna hear something funny?" She sighs again, she wishes she could drown in wine.

"Alright, What is it?" Callie asks casually. She noticed Addison's shaky voice and low tone, realizing her friend had turned serious.

"I'm dry." She says, doing a gesture with her hand. As soon as Callie doesn't catch the news, Addison tries again, "I'm totally infertile, nothing. No life down there." Now she's more understandable.

"What?" Her friends is shook at what she just said, "You're sure?" She asks concerned, seeing how Addison's sad eyes got a little sparkly, probably she's holding some tears that she doesn't want to show.

She nods, "I am."

"That's not really funny..." Callie says, friendly.

Addison shakes her head, "Nope." She agrees with Callie, and allows Callie to grab her hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Ugh, I owe Patricia twenty bucks because of this confession of yours, you know that, right?" Callie rolls her eyes.

"What?" Addison chuckles a little. Callie could cheer her up easily, and she needed a dosis of happiness right now, at least a smile.

"We made a bet... it doesn't matter." Callie unfolds her hand from Addison's. "I'm sorry Addison, I didn't know you wanted one after what you told me." She refers to _the week_.

"Yeah well, I first want a baby, my husband isn't ready and then I don't want a baby but I cheat and I get pregnant and I abort and then when I really want one... but this happens." Addison says, telling her bad luck to the closest friendship she had in Seattle besides Richard, but she wasn't going to go vent to the chief of surgery, for sure.

Callie shows her sorrow by giving Addison a sad smile, "I'm so so sorry."

"It's fine, I mean, I'm an obstetrician who cannot have any babies, it's actually fun." She laughs sarcastically, looking down for another second, holding the tears that wanted to get out.

Callie considers on kicking her under the table, but maybe that was just too much, "Hey, don't say that."

"No, I mean, a girl left her newborn child in a trash can at her High school," she remembers one of the recent cases she was working in, "... irresponsible people get pregnant by accident, Adele Webber had her chance, but me? Those things don't happen to me." She shakes her head in defeat. All she ever wanted was gone. _Derek, _her chance to be a mother... her _hope_ was getting lost.

"You could adopt, you know? Or find an egg donor..." Callie tries on seeing the redhead look a little more sparkliest.

"No, no." She sighs and shakes her head, taking a sip of her wine and looking into Callie's eyes, "I wanted, well, _want _a biological child, Callie. The dream is over. Over just like me and Derek. Over. Totally dead." She hates herself for saying that, considering she was starting to have strong feelings for that neurosurgeon.

"Keep your hopes up, Montgomery." Callie encourages.

"I feel like a rose that has died and can't flourish, not anymore."

She doesn't want everything to be done, over or dead. A part of her keeps on telling her she should try, change something. Come back to the land where she belongs and stay there. Show her sparkle to her world and... flourish one more time.

There's a hope to make it revive.

_The rose will survive._

•

_Review? Let me know your thoughts!_


	3. Sunflowers

Addison enters her office, flowers waiting for her. She hasn't received flowers in a long time. The last time she received flowers like these was three years ago exactly.

They were white Lillies, she liked those. But always preferred sunflowers.

_— couldn't find sunflowers, but_

_i did remember you liked lillies too._

_Enjoy._

_\- D.S_

She giggled at the cheesy card, acting like a teenager after the cute boy invites her to prom, after a minute for herself, feeling young and reckless, she exited her small office.

* * *

Mark laughs behind Addison, obligating her to turn around and stop from watching Derek argue with the chief. She rolls her eyes noticing who has seeked her attention in such short notice. He smiles at her with his typical mischievous smile.

"You've got a crush for Derek, don't you? Two times in a row." Sloan laughs and sees how Addison responds by rolling her eyes again and taking her red glasses off.

She sighs, knowing Mark would make her life impossible just to prove himself right about her and Derek. "No. It's none of your business and we aren't friends or anything anymore. So screw a nurse, talk to someone else, search for new methods to boob jobs, or simply go save a life, but could you just go?" She asks, looking away, resting her hands on her pockets.

He rests his elbow on the nurses desk and watches Addison carefully. "You could have just asked me to go at first, no need to give me any ideas." He winks at her.

"Haha, very funny." She looks at him again, noticing she doesn't feel attracted to his predator smile anymore. "I don't have a crush on Derek though. I need to talk to the Chief about something, that's why I was staring." She explains lamely, not sure if the plastic surgeon would buy her simple lie.

"Look, Red, there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"All you want is gossip to exchange with the nurses. Don't you?"

"I actually care about you and my best friend, is that too unreal for you?"

"Unreal? Perhaps. Just leave me alone and go bother someone else, I'm sure there's a lot of beautiful women waiting for you to help them. So, go." She insists, wanting him to leave her alone.

Addison turns around and stares at the chief and Shepherd again, expecting her annoying ex lover to leave her alone in there. She felt like a high school girl around Derek and she wanted to thank him for the flowers. Derek and Richard stop their chat, the neurosurgeon left immediately, seeming preoccupied and in the need to hurry.

"Oh, Chief!" Mark stops the Chief before he takes another step, "Here, Doctor Montgomery was waiting to speak with you." He explains. Doctor Webber walks towards the alarmed redhead and the manwhore next to her.

"Really?" he asks ironically, looking at Sloan. Now his eyes look at the neonatal surgeon who wished Mark wouldn't be that annoying, "What is it Addison?"

"Don't worry, we can talk about it later, there's no need to talk about it now." She lies, not knowing what else to say to scape this.

Mark tilts his head a little and looks at Addison, "The Chief will be busy later, talk to him now, or, do you need privacy?" He asks trying his best on being the most annoying human being, for him, it could be a fun thing to do.

The Chief gives both surgeons a questioning look, "I don't have time for your childish games, Sloan. Do I have to worry about something?" His eyes fall again on Addison's noticing she seemed annoyed or just upset.

"No, Sir." Addison shakes her head. "Not at all, but thanks for caring." She gives the chief a proper smile and leaves the two gentlemen alone, knowing her love interest might be about to start cutting open someone's skull or be around doing paperwork. But she wanted to thank him and even try to do more than that if the occasion allowed it.

Addison fake laughs shortly, "Sorry. Um, is Doctor Shepherd inside?" She asks, looking at Meredith angry eyes.

The blonde resident nods, "Yeah... he is. He seems busy. You don't want to bother him." She says, which Addison doesn't buy.

"Huh?" Addison looks a little confused.

"Never mind." The blonde resident makes her way away from the neurosurgeon's office.

Addison shakes her head and sighs, knocking on the door as soon as she feels ready to see his sparkly eyes in front of her again. She doesn't waste any more minutes of her time because Derek opens the door immediately.

"Oh, hi. I didn't expect your visit." He seems content, adding a sweet smile to his greeting.

"Hi." Addison smiles. Derek opens the door properly, not wanting her to stand on the doorway, "I just wanted to say thank you- for the flowers." She gets inside of the office.

"You're welcome." He nods and closes the door.

Addison points at the door of the office just to make some effect, "Was that Meredith Grey leaving from your office?" She asks trying to sound casual.

"Oh yeah, she scrubbed in with me this morning on a craniotomy." He nods, taking a sit on his chair, meanwhile Addison takes a sit on the small couch inside of there.

"She seemed mad... or disgusted. Both, really." She cannot help but laugh a little.

Derek inhales sharply and turns his chair in a perfect direction so he could look at Addison with no problems, "Well I kicked her out of my OR after she told me not to be around you anymore."

"What do you mean?" Addison is confused about this, Meredith and Derek were over, weren't they?

"Apparently I chose you once and I have to give her another chance. It's unfair and childish." He says, running a hand through his hair and getting much more comfortable on his chair. He's giving her a succint explanation.

She nods and sighs, "Alright. I just wanted to thank you for the flowers." She won't say more.

Derek short laughs, "I expected a different reaction coming from you," he says, using the dreamy look.

"You did?" She asks, confused.

He tilts his head, "Kind of."

"Good. I'll be on my office, just in case you need to talk or... need something." She says, standing up from the couch, giving him a smile.

"Wait..." he walks towards her and grabs her hand.

"What?" She looks confused, he stops her from moving or even doing any kind of sound.

He kisses her, deeply and passionately. His free hand lands on her cheek, stroking it slowly meanwhile they both allow themselves to kiss each other properly. She lets go of his hand and wraps her arms around his neck.

Derek ends the kiss and smiles at her, "I'm happy you liked them."

Addison replies with a nod and a smile, unfolding herself slowly off of his arms.

As soon as she opens the door and leaves, her mind immediately starts thinking as to why he thought her reaction would be different.

•••

She wakes up and is thankful it was all a dream, because she felt like it was all going too serious, which definitely meant he wanted more. Flowers meant he wanted more.

_Flourishing_.

She didn't know if what she wanted with Derek had to be serious, but she did know she was feeling something for him again. She couldn't deny that.

She gets out of bed being knocked by a severe headache. Walks inside of the bathroom and washes her face; after that she starts looking for some painkiller to stop this headache from annoying her.

No pills. Great. It was early still, the sun was just starting to appear. Addison takes a quick shower, and dries her hair meanwhile she gets dressed somehow, after years of practice it gets easier everyday.

Her phone buzzes from her nightstand meanwhile she's putting on her high heels. "Ugh, what now?" She picks up the phone from the nightstand and realized it's Naomi.

Oh God it's Naomi. There's a small debate inside of her mind between answering or not the call. Her best friend has a free spot for her back in LA, but all she really desires is Derek... maybe also the rain... but mainly Derek. She earned her spot on Seattle Grace and people have learned how to respect her.

She picks it up. "Look Nae, I'm running late for work. So sorry. Can we talk later?"

"Addison, we need to talk." Naomi sounds serious and in a rush, but Addison doesn't really care right now, she's stressed between the headache, the dream about Derek, the fear to commitment, and the pressure of giving her best friend an answer.

Addison nods and sighs, "Yeah I know, I'll call you when I have time. Bye bye!"

•••

The blonde woman takes a sit in front of Derek inside of his office, "Maybe we could grab coffee after your surgery?" She smiles.

"Meredith... I..." Derek looks down not wanting to face the deception in person.

"As friends." She clarifies immediately.

Derek sighs, "I'm sleeping with someone." He doesn't know where that came from, but his mouth decided to spill it.

She frowned, "What?"

"Sorry." Derek says softly, feeling too sorry for always having to be the bad guy. Meredith was a fling, something fun he had and thought could last forever.

The resident shrugged, "No, no. That's fine, I mean we are just friends." Meredith says.

Derek feels sorry, he can recognize the deception and pain in someone's eyes, "I didn't try to say it as something hurtful or to make you go away." He tries to make the punch less heavier.

"No, I understand." She nods.

He nods back, "Good."

"Who is she?"

"Hm?" Derek doesn't want to mention it's Addison. After all he didn't know what was going to happen with them.

"The woman you're seeing, what's her name?" She repeats, resting her hands on her lap. She doesn't seem jealous or annoyed, still disappointed, no doubts on that; but there was only disappointment apparently.

He laughs and inhales sharply, "Well, not seeing seeing. I'm just hooking up with her some times." He feels like a jerk by being so honest and talking like that with his ex love interest.

"You know it's actually cool that we can talk about this without feeling awkward." Meredith lies to herself even, how much weirder could this get.

"Yes, I think so." Derek nods.

A knock on the door surprises both, Derek and Meredith. The resident looks at the door. Addison's endless legs are Derek's first view. Meanwhile Meredith studies Addison's look towards Derek.

Addison smiles awkwardly, "Sorry, am I interrupting? I can come back later." She says, still standing in the doorway, giving Derek an apologizing look.

"I was just leaving, stay." Meredith Grey walks closer to the door now.

Derek sighs, "Meredith..." he feels sorry for her.

"It's fine." The blonde woman nods and leaves the room in peace.

Addison enters the office completely, closing the door behind and sitting on the chair in front of Derek, the same one that was before being used by Grey. She sighs and looks down to her hand, the spot where her rings used to be are always a reminder of what they used to be.

She comes back to reality, looking up to Derek, who's lip closed smiling at the image of her, "What was all of that about?" She asks casually.

He runs a hand through his hair and gets much comfortable on his chair, "I told her about us."

"What do you mean us?" Addison feels a little panicked for a second.

Derek doesn't know if she's joking or what, "Us. The other nights... us."

She nods, "Ah." She breathes heavily.

"What?" He seems confused.

She shrugs. "It's just... you sounded like it's something regular, something fun or a hobby, almost like us means something that happens frequently."

"Addison, what are you saying?" Derek didn't mean any of what Addison said, for sure. Of course they were fun, but for him they weren't that frequent, for him Addison would never be some kind of "hobby" or "regular" person.

She fake laughs, "I don't know maybe you gave Meredith the wrong impression or she took it wrong, because her eyes didn't say yay Derek is all mine now." She moves some hairs away from her face and looks into Derek's eyes, no smile on her face, just a sad expression.

"I'm not back with Meredith." His expression looks serious but not happy.

She finds the perfect time for some sarcasm to fit. "Really? I thought you guys were the happiest couple alive." She says simply, waiting for a reply from himz

"Addison..."

"Derek I don't know what you told her, but whatever it is, she knows about us and she will tell people."

"I'm sorry i wasn't trying to screw you or anything." He says, immediately realized the irony of his comment.

"What?"

He shakes his head, "By screwing you I meant doing something bad to you not literally screwing you."

She rolls her eyes and sighs. What is all of this? Why is she taking all of this so personal and important? She should let him go or just clear things up with him. But he's not ignoring her or running away from her like when she first arrived in Seattle. He's being nice and tries to reach for her, he's allowing her near him.

"What is it for you? Us, I mean." She asks, knowing she might receive an answer she might not want to hear or be ready to hear.

"Hey, Addie if you want to end this..."

"It's not it." She shakes her head.

He tilts his head just a bit, "What is it?" His concerned eyes find hers.

"Flowers, Derek. Commitment."

"Flowers? What are you saying?" There it is again, a confused man in front of her.

"Flowers means that- it's just- never mind. The thing is that we should stop it." Addison says, not knowing what to say to be much more understandable.

"Why?"

"Because it's not healthy. I'm damaging your relationship with Meredith." She uses that as some kind of excuse to end things with him and don't let him hurt her again even if she sometimes (a lot of times) desires to be his wife again.

He runs another hand through his hair, "Addison, Meredith and I are nothing now."

"But you could be. We could end this, I could move back to New York and you could marry her and have blonde babies." Addison gives him options, options he won't take because it's not what he wants.

Derek nods in defeat, "Donovan was right, then."

"What?" Addison doesn't understand what he's talking about. Derek could act nonsense, but bringing up Donovan from nowhere? That was odd.

"I'm not going back to Meredith, she's not who I want to be with." He tries to cover his comment.

"What did you say about Donovan?" Addison asks.

"What?"

"Don't act like you didn't say that."

"Ugh, Alright." He's going to be honest with her, "He called you when I found your phone and I picked up and he told me you told Nancy about coming back."

"How didn't you tell me?! He must be furious I didn't call back." Addison feels concerned about it, but realizes Eric Donovan would never be mad with Addison, after all he was like Gunther; always in love with Rachel.

"It's not like you give a crap about Eric anyways." Derek stands up from his chair and grabs a water bottle from a small table near the door of the room.

"You didn't have the right to respond the call." Addison follows his track with her eyes, upset he violated her privacy somehow.

He opens the water of bottle and takes a sip, "You didn't have the right to leave your phone there."

"I couldn't find it." That's her excuse.

"It was under the bed, silly." He calls her silly. They both used to call each other names all the time, it feels natural. "Why did you come here anyway?"

"Now you care?" They keep on arguing.

He rolls his eyes, "Are you going to tell me or not?"

"You know what, I'm tired of you." She stands up from the chair and adjusts her dress "Just when my headache was starting to go off you had to be an immature boy and bring it back." The constant pain is back, she opens the door and gives him an angry look, "Goodbye, Shepherd." She leaves the room.

•••

_15 years ago..._

_"_Goodbye, Shepherd." She rolls her eyes, walking away from the black haired guy he just met.

They were both in front of a cadaver earlier, he could swear that woman had something different from anyone else he has ever known.

She noticed his blue ocean eyes, trying not to look too shook at the image of a handsome man, who seemed to have the same 'in love' kind of look for her.

He speeds up and walks next to the gorgeous redhead, "Hey, wait. Don't you wanna know more than my name?" He asks.

She giggles and rolls her eyes playfully, "Why would I?" Addison keeps on walking through the corridors.

He's having trouble on catching up with her velocity, "Because I might be something to you in the future." He tries his best being flirty.

She laughs, "You really are self-secure. Aren't you, Shepherd?" Addison thought it was already too much with Derek's _'we should grab a drink'_ earlier inside of the room, with Mark by his side holding a laugh.

"Derek." He tells her his name, confident on the idea that he was going to get to meet that beautiful woman.

She nods, "Derek."

"and you are?" He asks casually.

Addison smiles but doesn't make eye contact with him, at least not yet. "Montgomery."

"Don't you have a name?"

"Montgomery for colleagues."

"Oh, so, we're colleagues?" He raises an eyebrow and chuckles.

_/ this chapter is way shorter! Sorry :( next chapter will be longer obviously and there will be more drama and romance between my two fave love birds. Stay tuned!!_


	4. Confused

_Finally new chapter :)_

•••

confusion

/kənˈfjuːʒ(ə)n/

Learn to pronounce

noun

_1\. _

_uncertainty about what is happening, intended, or required._

_synonyms:uncertainty, lack of certainty, unsureness, indecision, hesitation, hesitancy, scepticism, doubt, ignorance._

_2\. _

_the state of being bewildered or unclear in one's mind about something._

_•••_

"Addison, I need you to take good care of Debra Williams and keep on doing that, I don't need you complaining about how the residents act or not like around you. Do your work." He states.

Addison sighs, again trying her best on not rolling her eyes, showing Richard her best pocker face. She was telling the chief about how Alex Karev was being a jackass to everybody.

She feels a little offended by the way Richard reacted, "Chief I was just telling you about something, not quitting my job!"

He nods and doesn't look very happy, a small giggle coming near her, is informing her about the recent stalker she has. "You better start working on that case, Montgomery." Webber says.

"Fine. Thanks Chief Webber." She rolls her eyes and turns around.

"I did see that." He refers to the eye roll, for sure.

Derek follows Addison to the nearest nurses station, she doesn't share a word with him, but he clearly is wearing a big smile on his face, "Seems like we're gonna be study buddies again." He shares his thoughts with her as she opens Debra's chart.

She shakes her head and starts reading and checking if she missed anything before, "Shut up, Shepherd."

"You're sassy today, why are you sassy? Did something happen?" He asks too many questions, her head spins at that, not really wanting to have to answer any of those questions. She had barely slept last night, she had to stay in an on call room checking Debra every ten minutes.

She fake laughs and looks at Derek, showing a serious face, "Why do you care?" He shrugs, "Anyway, if we're gonna work together on this we will have to concentrate." She closes the chart and starts walking around again, Derek follows. "So, no jokes about what happened the other nights, or what you fantasize about me."

"I'm not the one fantasizing about you, you are the one fantasizing about me." He flirts, he keeps on doing that. For him it's fun. For her it's not. Addison takes the flirting as some kind of "hunt" he does: he's the predator and she's the victim.

She shakes her head, "It doesn't matter, Derek." She sighs again, "This is a rare case and we are the only choice this woman has to survive this pregnancy, so you better help me." She says politely. She's not complaining about working with McDreamy. Addison knew her ex husband was the perfect doctor for this case.

"Your place or mine?" He asks, taking the chart away from her hands.

"How about: neither?" She takes the chart away from his hands after he has opened it and gotten ready to read; she mostly does it to bother him or to check the patient's allergies maybe... but bothering him was the mayor goal.

"Where do you wanna spend time searching stuff? The library?" He doesn't suggest it, he just names a place.

She nods, "That sounds better than your trailer or the prohibited area of my hotel room." She winks at him, not that playfully, still sassy. He loves that... sassiness suits her well.

"The attending lounge is better." He recommends, "Cozier. No one will bother us there." Derek was right, completely right.

"I like that idea." She nods, agreeing to meeting him there later to start their research. "We don't really have to study anyway, you know that, right?"

"How many of these operations have you done before?"

She rolls her eyes, "One."

"Lie, you assisted and watched but you have never done one yourself." He can tell, he was in the gallery that evening, he watched the whole thing and then got the opportunity to see Addison's happy and excited face after the whole procedure was done. She had a sparkle inside of her eyes and swore about eleven times how amazing it was to stand in there for five hours and just staring.

"You win." She rolls her eyes again, but her smile doesn't fade away, not yet.

"And she's almost on her due date, so it's risky." He keeps on giving excuses as to why they had to meet up that night.

"I get it. We do require some studying." She nods, trying not to laugh out loud at his happy smile, it was (and felt) nice he was slowly developing some affection for her, at least he was working on showing it.

"See you later."

She exhales and nods, "Fine."

•••

She shows up, knowing this whole _studying_ thing is just some kind of chance Derek sees for himself. She knows there's no way she will fall into his arms, at least not tonight, not during the circumstances. Well, she doesn't know that yet, Derek's charm could drive her crazy in love.

It's dark and rainy outside, Derek is sitting on the couch in there, there are some books on the table in front of him. He checks his blackberry and doesn't notice the redhead has arrived.

Addison clears her throat, causing Derek to look up from his mobile, smiling at her messy look. Still wearing scrubs and her scrub cap. "Sorry, the surgery took more time than I expected." She excuses herself, shutting the door behind her, walking to the couch.

"At least you came." He smiles at her and watches her sit down next to him. She sighs and takes off the scrub cap. "Successful surgery?" He asks her, tilting his head to the side a bit.

"Yeah, mother and child are healthy, so, my job is pretty much done." She nods, smiling. Knowing he's staring.

"Anyway, um... well, I bought all that I found inside of the library about these kind of cases."

"Woah, you did have free time after all." She breaks the bun she was wearing and tries on concentrating, letting her hair fall on her shoulders.

His smile is there, and she's aware."Yeah, a little."

"Should we?" Addison takes a book from the table and opens it. "Alright... gliomas."

Derek moves himself closer to the redhead holding the book, his eyes catch the word immediately. "There it is!"

"Where?" She looks through the whole page quickly, "I can't find it." She looks to the side, looking into his ocean eyes. The afraid feeling of falling in love is there, present again.

"There, just there." He point at it, not noticing his ex wife couldn't stop looking at him.

Addison blinks twice and looks back on the book, "I swear I can't see it."

"Here." He shows her in a better way.

She nods, "Oh, I see now." Derek starts laughing, she of course rolls her eyes. "Hey, don't make fun of me." Addison hits his arm playfully.

He laughs again, "I'm sorry Addison, you must be really tired." Derek pats her shoulder.

His touch feels like a weakness. He is her only weakness.

"I've been standing inside of that OR for hours, of course I'm tired." She excuses.

A small giggle scapes his lips, "You still look joyful."

"Oh, shut up. Eye bags do not mean joyful." She giggles a little, liking being alone with Shepherd.

She keeps on reading, thinking that ignoring his tender looks will somehow make them fade away. "I have an idea, if you think about it this way, I could perform a c-section and then you can perform your craniotomy, this way we get the mother's and baby's stability right away. I close her up and you start your thingy."

"Your thingy?" He laughs. The sound of a thunder makes them both jump a little, the lights going off scares the hell out of both, for a second. "Geez." That's his comment. "Did you got scared?" He asks, touching her upper arm.

She sighs, and then replies relaxed enough, "Yeah, I... I'm fine. I didn't see that coming." She chuckles a little.

"The power will be back soon." He says, knowing she would feel much more calm. It was weird knowing they weren't together, that their two nights together were just fun. Or at least that seemed. It was hard for him to know that in any other scenery right now they would be embracing, or making out meanwhile the power was off.

"Sure." She nodded, noticing that his hand is still on her upper arm. She should feel comfortable by having that strong and warm hand touching her cold skin. Addison enjoys the feeling, knowing he can't see her smile right now. That hand that used to caress her arms, her face, her hair... the small of her back when they danced, walked or held each other.

"This reminds me of New York. That time when we were babysitting the neighbor's cat." They both laugh hard at that, for a few seconds, until they both catch their breaths.

"Oh my God, I totally forgot about that! You hated that cat." She giggles a little more and inhaled air sharply.

"He was malign." His thumb started to caress her upper arm, slowly, gently.

She chuckles, and gets closer to the neurosurgeon next to her. "Malign? Derek!"

"What? He was a beast." He laughs, getting a couple inches closer to the love of his life, which she can tell, because her ears can feel and sense his voice and breathing closer.

She closes the book, and she also closes her eyes, "That cat was the cutest animal ever."

"You know what's fun? I can't see you." Derek comments the obvious.

"I can't see you either." She replies.

"Wait." His hand stops touching her arm, sending her into a small crisis where she opens her eyes and doesn't know if she'll end up alone in the dark or what.

"What? Where are you going?" She catches his hand in the air.

Derek relaxes his hand and grabs her instead of letting go, "Nowhere." She squeezes it.

"Oh, okay." She sighs, again.

He finds his mobile on the table with his free hand, pressing a random button that gives them a small light coming from the screen.

"Better?" He looks into her greenish blue eyes.

She nodded, adding a small smile. "Better."

"This is probably my favorite studying session with you."

She frowns, "Why is that? If I can know."

"It's the most romantic one." The thumb is back on caressing her skin, slowly and gently.

"Ha, funny." She looks down to the union of their hands and enjoys it.

He doesn't press his mobile phone random button this time, instead he leads his free hand to her free hand resting on top of that book that's on her knees. "The rain in the back, the darkness and us." That's his explanation. Now that they are back on the darkness, it all feels as magical as before.

"Ending things with the intern made you desperate?" She giggles.

"Desperate to stop dating children, yes." He agrees with her. One of this hands let's go of hers, taking the book away from her knees and leaving it on the table. Somehow Derek could do all of that when there was no drop of electricity.

His hand grabs hers again, his knees are now next to hers, his breathing is closer and closer.

She closes her eyes again, not thinking fighting the darkness would help that much, "Derek, can i ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it?" His thumb... that's the only thing that her nervous system is so focused about.

She sighs before asking this, knowing she could screw things up easily, "What has been happening... is it some kind of game? Is it the hunting season and I don't know about it?"

"What? No." He denials it right away, knowing that his cheesy and flirty self has been back only for her. And for her only. McDreamy wants McHot.

"What am i then?" She asks, hopeful he will give her some important character inside of his heart and soul.

"Special. You are... you are special." With that, his left hand leads the union of their hands to her cheek, this way he kisses the back of her hand, leading his lips to brush against hers.

The fact he called her "_special"..._ that makes her feel like Cinderella being found by her prince.

She accepts and allows his lips to stay there, to start digging deeper slowly, somehow his lips caress hers, trying not to waste the moment. Sadly, the lights starts to go back to normal; Addison breaks the kiss slowly, opening her eyes and grinning at the black haired man in front of her.

The kiss refreshed the memories of their younger years together.

Something has changed... the rain is still there, the lights are on, but the door of the room that was closed is now opened. They can hear how someone runs away down the hall, somebody that probably got the privilege to hear and see (or tried to see) everything between Addison and Derek.

The problem is that they don't notice because their eyes are too busy looking at each other, their skins are too close to each other, she can feel the tension, so can he. It's hard not to just rip off each other's clothes and finish what they have started with that kiss.

"Derek... we..." she tries to say something, but words can't scape her mouth right now. Her eyes go from his sparkly eyes to his lips that seem to be closer and closer.

Addison squeezes his hand gently and closes her eyes, letting herself in for another kiss. The sound of her phone buzzing stops them both from going any further. Regardless the desire she had for the man in front of her, she stopped and checked her phone.

"Sorry, It's- I have to answer this." She excuses herself and attends the call. She answers, not sure if it was the wisest decision, "Hey, Nae... did you receive my text?" She refers to the texts she sent her best friend a day ago.

Naomi rolls her eyes, taking place on her couch, relief all over her expression. She had received Addison's text. '_I'm sorry Nae, I can't take the job. You can stop calling to ask if I have made my decision yet, and I have. I'm staying._'

"I have to tell you something and it's not something I can tell you by text message, or a call, but I'm not heading there just to-"

"The point?" Addison is in a rush. She could end the call and kiss her ex husband again. Feel his lips crashing against hers and have some fun if they wanted to get there.

Naomi clears her throat, "Your results... um, there was a confusion."

"Confusion?" Addison doesn't get what Naomi is talking about. Confusion about what? This was already confusing by involving the word _confusion._

"We, I- Somehow some of the results I gave you aren't yours."

Addison's eyes are widened now, "What?!" She's feeling scared, shocked, happy and mostly confused, all of that at the same time.

"I swear this has never happened before." Naomi doesn't know what else to comment besides _congrats your uterus isn't a fosil._

Addison runs a hand through her hair, "How? Are you sure?" Derek looks confused, not understanding what was the big deal. Addison never got to tell him why she went there in the first place.

"I am sorry if this wasn't a good moment. You have every right to be mad at me." Naomi apologizes.

Addison's brain and heart are exploding, meanwhile her thoughts are running all over the place; but somehow she manages to keep calm. "How did you find this out?"

"Another patient took the same exams as you and there was no way she had chances to get pregnant because of other factors, that is when I realized I gave you her results and I gave her your results." Naomi explains and sighs, knowing this isn't the best news after she broke her best friend's heart; plus she hated to sound so unprofessional.

Addison feels happy there's still a chance for her, but it kinda complicates everything. It complicates this thing that has been happening with Derek, it complicates her decision on staying in Seattle and being the ruler of all that is evil. "You could get sued!" Addison raises her voice a little, enough to be completely heard.

"No, i already talked to the other woman, and she's-"

"No, I mean by me. I could sue you." She's joking even if it doesn't sound like she is. Derek's hand takes place on her knee and he rubs it gently, noticing the shaky tone Addison has.

He didn't know what was going on, but knew Addison was dealing with it and probably needed some support. The least he could do was try to calm her down by showing his affection. Seeing her upset wasn't the best plan on his agenda, even if he was willing to be there for the next rough times, next to her. Even if Addison didn't know she meant that much to him. Maybe the word _special_ wasn't the right one, he was insecure about that.

"I thought this is what you wanted." Naomi says on the phone, not wanting to start a fight.

The redhead shakes her head, "Never mind... um, I'll call you later. I need to process this."

"Okay. I'm sorry Addison, but congratulations."

"Thanks Nae. Bye."

"Bye."

Addison turns her phone off, not wanting to be interrupted anymore. She sighs and closes her eyes. Suddenly she realizes how this hits her so hard, her dream isn't over yet. Her chance isn't over yet either. She has time.

"That was Naomi." She says, posing a hand on his, the one hand he was resting on her knee.

"I heard." He nods.

She opens her eyes and looks at Derek a little worried, "Which part exactly?"

"No, I meant to say that I figured out it was her. As far as I know you don't know many Naomi's." He offers a closed lip smile.

"Oh. Yeah." She nods, giving him a small smile too.

He grabs her hand and squeezes it, "You Look upset, are you alright?"

"Yeah... I am. I just need to rest. Can we please keep on doing this tomorrow morning? I'll do some research myself and come up with some plan." She wants to get out from here, she needs time alone.

"Sure, it's fine. Do you need a ride? Are you sure you're okay?" His free hand squeezes her shoulder.

"No, i have my car here. And, thanks for asking but I swear I'm good. See you tomorrow." She stands up from the couch, letting his hands slip away from her.

•••

She's going home wearing scrubs and she doesn't care right now. On her way to her place she finds an open supermarket and buys the best liquor she finds. Addison gets to her place, undressing quickly and getting under the fresh covers naked, not caring.

The bottle of red wine accompanies her in bed, her frustration tears do too. It's all a mess for a second.

She loves Derek, maybe as much as she has ever loved him. The denial is something that will probably stay with her for a long time. There's no way her heart will get broken again, there's no way she will allow him to get inside and then crush it. This time her heart won't bleed. Addison debates between speaking up her feelings to Derek, and keeping the silence meanwhile she could keep on enjoying an affair.

Both options sound good.

There's also the news Naomi has finally given her. She wants a baby, being a mother is one of the main things she really feels like becoming. But Derek is focused on his career and having a baby with your ex husband isn't the best panorama for anyone, specially Addison Forbes Montgomery.

Which also means she can't be with Derek... she was going to carry a random man's baby meanwhile she was in a relationship with Derek, that wasn't a perfect panorama either.

•••

Derek enters his trailer and sits on the couch near the small kitchen his place had. His body feels exhausted, his lips feeling lonely and needing more of what he never finished. His hands miss hers and his eyes also miss hers.

His feelings for her are hard to deny but easy to hide. The fear of taking her back wasn't there when she first came to Seattle, but now somehow it's all different. There's a vibe, a feeling that stops him. There's no rings to keep on obligating him.

That's it! There's no ring. There's no obligation. He wants her, he wants this and the messy stuff and craziness that beautiful woman carries along. Derek knows she melts for him, and talking about it seems too scary to even be mentioned.

The word love is all over his heart, but his lips or mind don't get to that point yet.

•••

_D : I have no idea of what Naomi told you, but you didn't seem alright. Wanna talk?_

_sent: 11:37 pm_

_A : hey. It's just... messy stuff. _

_sent: 11:38 pm_

_D : I have time for messy stuff. I'm actually interested in your messy stuff!_

_sent: 11:40 pm_

_A : okay? Hahaha._

_sent: 11:41 pm_

_D : that did sound pervert, didn't it?_

_sent: 11:43 pm_

_A : yeah, kinda. More like some kind of failed flirting._

_sent: 11:44 pm_

_D : I ruined it, right?_

_sent: 11:45 pm_

_A : a little. _

_sent: 11:45 pm_

_D : If you wanna talk, I'm here._

_sent: 11:45 pm_

_A : thanks Derek. _

_sent: 11:48 pm_

_D : do you still have Weiss' number? I heard you wanted to sue someone. _

_sent: 11:49 pm_

_A : you are internally laughing very hard at your joke, aren't you?_

_sent: 11:49 pm_

_D : you know I am._

_

sent: 11:50 pm

_

_A : :)_

_

sent: 11:51 pm

_

_D : what are we doing? I mean, what's all of this kissing and, all of this_

_

sent: 11:51 pm

_

_A : I'm not sure, I don't think there's a term._

_

sent: 11:52 pm

_

_D : fooling around? Maybe?_

_

sent: 11:55 pm

_

_A : I don't think so._

_

sent: 11:57 pm

_

_D : maybe we should talk about it. I could come over and try my best on not touching you or kissing you or whatever._

_

sent: 11:57 pm

_

_A : you could also stand where you are and not come anywhere near here._

_

sent: 11:59 pm

_

_D : is texting coming 'anywhere near' there?_

_

sent: 11:59 pm

_

_A : it kinda is_

_

sent: 12:00 am

_

_D : how come?_

sent: 12:00 am

_A : you tell me! You asked._

sent: 12:01 am

_D : now you're the one laughing internally._

sent: 12:03 am

_A : I'm actually laughing out loud._

sent: 12:03 am

_D : I want to talk to you about this fooling around thing._

sent: 12:03 am

_A : you do?_

sent: 12:05 am

_D : yes, I don't want to do or try to take this to another level that you aren't ready or up for._

sent: 12:06 am

_A : you sound serious._

sent: 12:06 am

_D : now that we're divorced and we aren't... "us" anymore._

sent: 12:06 am

_A : you don't want anything serious._

sent: 12:08 am

_D: no, it's not it._

sent: 12:09 am

_A : what is it?_

sent: 12:08 am

_D : I think I might feel or want you for more than just kissing and touching... fooling around or whatever that we are doing._

seen: 12:09 am

•••

Two days later Addison and Derek had saved a baby boy and his mother, two successful procedures. Mark waited outside of the OR, waiting for Derek, waiting to annoy him at least a little.

Addison gets out first, bursting into laughs by something Derek said before they opened the door, he laughs along. They both give each other a nod, not realizing they are being watched by a man whore.

Addison walks away and Derek has the obligation to deal with Sloan.

The plastic surgeon points a finger at his best friend, "You banged her." Now that they were starting to be friendly again, Mark had noticed too much joy when it came to Derek.

"What?" Both start walking through the corridor, meanwhile the neurosurgeon gets his scrub cap off.

"You totally did." Mark insisted, giving the predator smile.

Derek sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "What do you wanna know?" Now he's standing in front of Mark, He's being annoyed by a plastic surgeon.

Mark rests his hands on his lab coat pockets, "I was starting to flirt on her again, you did know that." He's pissed. He's the only one hunting Addison, while Derek is just trying to not break something he started for sure.

"I didn't know that." Derek lies, remembering their chats a while ago before the Yang and Burke... whatever that was.

Mark shrugs and looks into Derek's eyes, "I told you that she slept with Karev."

Derek nods, remembering that conversation, "You did."

"Isn't she sleeping with him anymore?" Mark asks, trying to find something to break Derek's crush on the redhead.

"No, she's mad at him." Derek replies what he knows.

Mark looks confused, "And you know that because you're screwing her!" He finds another way to take information.

"No, and no. First of all, you could say _having sex _instead of _screwing_." Derek says, trying his best on not being that rude and rolling his eyes in front of te talk and 'steamy' Mark Sloan.

"How did you know she's mad at Karev then?"

"I heard her talking to the chief." His excuse is good enough.

Mark and Derek start walking through the corridors once again, "O'Malley told Grey he saw you two kissing in the attendings lounge during the storm."

"What? I was... we weren't even here. I mean, I wasn't here." He lies, trying to safe himself. Addison didn't want her affair with Derek to be something public.

•••

_Hii! Took a while on updating. Sorry!!!_


	5. Venting

_vent_

_/vɛnt/_

_noun_

_When you vent, you let something out, whether it's hot air or your feelings. If you vent your feelings, you let out a strong and sometimes angry em__otion and just say what you think or feel like._

•••

He wakes up to the sound of someone knocking on his door. His eyes open slowly, adjusting to the light after such a long and pleasant sleep. Derek takes the covers off of him and stands up from his bed, the floor is a little cold. This time the person knocking on the door knocks even harder. He groans at the sound and rolls his eyes.

"I'm coming!" He yells, first seeing through the window in case it was an unpleasant visitor.

A tall redhead has her arms over her chest, looking down, no expression on her face... maybe some drops of sorrow. Derek panics a little, getting inside of the bathroom quickly, checking if his hair didn't look too messy, washing his face as fast as he could. Another angry knock on the door makes him realize he's a douche by making her wait.

He closes the door of the bathroom and walks quickly to the entrance door. He opens it, two glassy eyes look up to him. Something is wrong.

She smiles weakly at him, he smiles weakly at her too, "Addison... Are you alright?" He's worrying about her, that weak smile starts fading and her glassy eyes get a little bit more glassy than before.

"I'm fine. Can I...?" She refers if she can get inside of the trailer.

"Yes, sure." He nods, talking with a soft voice. He opens the door properly and lets her in. "You must be freezing."

"Thank you." She enters the trailer, dropping her purse on the couch.

Derek closes the door and stares at her, her coat is wet, her hair is a little wet too. "Want some coffee? Anything? Water?" He walks closer to her and helps her get her coat off.

"No, I'm good, thanks." She replies after her coat is totally off.

Derek is about to touch her shoulder, but she's fast and she starts walking towards the bed. "You don't seem fine. Wanna talk?" He walks behind Addison.

"No, the last thing I want to do is express my feelings." She's sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down to her shoes.

He sits next to Addison, "Why are you here then?"

She shakes her head and grabs his hand, getting closer to him, "Just, stop asking questions and- Hold me." She rests her head on his shoulder now, closing her yes.

Derek doesn't know how to act, he wants to hold her tight as she's requesting. "Hold you?"

"Yes, hold me. Cuddle me." She begs with a small shaky voice.

Derek nods and unfolds his hand from hers, now wrapping both of his arms around her, caressing her back, letting her find a comfortable place against the warmth of his body. He kisses her temple and strokes her hair with one of his hands.

She starts getting out of his embrace after some minutes. He looks concerned and confused. Maybe she will decide to leave, but he doesn't want that.

"Do you have the day off?" She asks hopeful, sniffing a little, there's a small track of a couple of tears on his shirt.

"I do, what about you?" He asks, tilting his head a little to the side, adding a small weak smile.

She nods. "I do too." She pecks his lips and then starts taking her heels off. "I'm sorry for coming here by surprise and waking you up. I didn't want to bother you."

His hand caresses her upper arm, "You never bother, it's fine, really." His concerned eyes look into her sad ones. "Addie, whatever it is, I'm here."

"Can we please lie together in bed and stay silent?" She asks hopeful he doesn't have any kind of plans that would ruin her time to breakdown.

Derek nods. She nods back, standing up from the bed, taking off her skirt and blouse, meanwhile Derek stares and gets inside of bed. She smiles at him, still in a weak way, she walks towards the bed and starts getting inside of Derek's bed only wearing underwear.

She turns her back to him, he gets closer and kisses her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her, finding her hands resting on her stomach. "Thank you for not kicking me out."

Derek squeezes her hands gently, "I would never kick you out."

Suddenly her eyes can't hold the tears anymore, the ambient is so nice, the sound of the pouring rain, his smell all over the place. She turns around slowly, letting Derek face the tears coming out of her eyes. He pulls her closer and kisses her forehead, pulling the covers a little more to her side, trying not to let her feel cold.

He starts stroking her hair, trying to find a way to calm her crying. "I'm here for you, you know that, right? I'm worried about you, Addie." He allows her to cry and bury her head on his chest.

Addison was a closed person. Tears wouldn't come out of her eyes in front of anyone, but Derek if she really needed a good cry or felt like venting was the best option. She was raised to leave everything inside, showing emotions wasn't very 'polite'... it wasn't something a 'Montgomery Forbes' would do.

Derek knew this and was always there for the version of Addison that wanted to let everything go outside; vent and cry. He could embrace her for hours until she would fall asleep from being so tired. He would bring ice cream home after a long shift and kiss her cheek every change he could get, peck her lips and kiss her millions of times to make her feel better.

She sniffs a little again and looks up to him, their eyes looking at each other. "I think we should talk." Addison places a hand on his chest.

He still doesn't understand what's going on, or why she's so depressed. She seemed upset some days ago because of Naomi's call. She seemed lost, a little less Addison.

Derek wants to hear what she has to say, "Okay, let's talk then. Take your time." They make eye contact. She gets comfortable in bed.

She grabs his hand and stares at the mark his finger has, where his wedding band had to be; except that now they weren't married. "When I went to LA, I was sad and tired, trying to find a way to get out of here." She now stops looking at his hand and looks up to his eyes, who look hopeful, hopeful of getting to know why that gorgeous woman was in pain. "You called me Satan, nurses and interns gave me those looks everyday. I was lonely."

He looks a little disappointed on himself, "I'm sorry about that though, the satan thing." Derek says, with a compassionate intention.

"It's fine, it's already forgotten." Addison smiles weakly at him, trying to assure him about that.

"Okay, keep talking." He encourages her to continue.

Addison feels good by being allowed to share her feelings, "I figured I wanted to be a mother. Have a kid, take care of it, finally being able to smile, you know? Naomi was going to help. She... she said there was no hope, but then the other day..."

Was it alright to share her feelings with Derek? He was her ex husband, but even under those circumstances, they were both sharing a bed, feet cuddling and having physical contact.

Derek cuts her off, "She told you there's hope?" He sounds hopeful too, like he would like to hear that.

"Yeah... but I can't. I mean, I don't know what to do. I thought I lost something at first but then I got it back." Addison looks around, not wanting to look at him in the eye. Now she was processing everything again, not sure why she was in there right now, not sure if it was okay to vent everything.

He feels bad for her, for himself too. When they got married he had promised himself many things and one of those things was giving Addison the happiness and the family they deserved to have and raise, together. "Addie, why didn't you tell me?" He feels how his heart is heavier now.

"I... I felt ashamed." She sniffs a little, again.

He squeezes her hand, "Ashamed for not being able to have kids?" Her eyes are so glassy, the tears want to leave her eyes. But she seems to be too proud to let him see her cry, even if he has seen her in her worst moments.

"Pretty much, yes." She fake laughs and sniffs a little again.

Derek shakes his head slightly and offers a sincere small smile, "You shouldn't have to."

"I know, I'm just... I don't know why I felt that way." She's afraid. He can tell. She's hurt and is confused.

One of his hands caresses her cheek now, calming her down a little, "Why are you sad then?"

"Can't you see? I want a baby, but I also want you." She closes her eyes for a minute and enjoys his touch against her cheek. His palm is warm and protective.

Derek grins at her words. She wants _him_. He leans closely to her and kisses her forehead, showing some appreciation for the redhead woman. "Why is there a problem?"

Addison does want him. Not only the company or the sex. She wanted the heart that man had, the kindness, the laughs, the love. She wanted _him_.

"It would be weird, me caring a stranger's baby meanwhile we're together."

"Why a stranger's baby?" Derek wants to get to a point.

She takes off his hand from her cheek and kisses it, "Can you stop asking so many questions and kiss me in the forehead like you were doing before?" She says sweetly.

He doesn't know what else to say to her. "Addison..."

She takes a deep breathe and unfolds herself from that small cuddle circle they have had created earlier, she looks at him and gets serious, "Look, I'm not crazy or depressed or anything like that. I don't need a caring friend, boyfriend, lover- whatever you are. I just need someone to calm me down before I explode or get to drunk to obligate myself to sleep with you again. Okay?" She asks, hoping he won't get mad at what she just said.

"Okay." He understands she's upset. "I'll shut up and I'll kiss your forehead."

"Thank you." She nods and comes back on getting comfortable next to him. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him.

He chuckles a little, and moves a couple of hairs away from her face, "Is it bad if I kiss something else than your forehead?"

She's now relaxed, "Not at all." She smiles looking up to his smile and beautiful eyes. He nods at her and leans on, kissing her lips slowly and sweetly.

•

_Years ago..._

_•_

Derek opens the kitchen door, finding his wife in there, alone. "Addison?"

"Jesus!" She jumps a little, holding a hand on her chest, scared by her husband. "Derek! God, you scared me." Addison seems to be incredibly sober, after drinking martinis with his sisters and then having some wine in bed before going to sleep, she seems fine.

"What are you doing up?" He asks, entering the kitchen properly and closing the door behind him, knowing the noise of his voice could wake any of his nephews or nieces.

She opened the freezer, "I woke up and felt hungry." She probably already had checked the refrigerator, otherwise she wouldn't be looking through the freezer; there's a chance she's having the hope she could be able to find ice cream.

Derek runs a hand through his hair and walks nearer to his wife, "Take an apple or something and let's go back to bed. Nancy will kill us if we wake any of her children."

She moves some containers of corn and frozen vegetables and sighs, "I know." And she doesn't want Nancy to hate her any more, "But I felt like pancakes." She bits her lip, Addison closes the freezer door and turns around, facing a smiley Derek Shepherd.

He rolls his eyes playfully, "It's three am. I'll cook you pancakes for breakfast." He says, moving closer to her and tilting his head a bit to the side.

She shakes her head slightly, "I'm not a breakfast person." She points out.

"But you do like my breakfast." Derek says, resting his palm on her cheek.

"I know, but still." She grabbed his hand from her cheek and squeezed it. "Can you please cook for me now?" Addison knew some puppy dog eyes could help him think about it more than twice.

"Fine." He sighs. She immediately starts feeling like celebrating her victory, but he cuts her off, "But if mom or Nancy wake up, I'll blame you." Derek could sound serious, but he was just teasing her.

"I can take it." She nods.

He laughs a little, "Alright." He pecked her lips and started into her eyes for a while after their lips broke apart.

"Do you think Nancy will ever forgive me because of...?" She meant the salmonella and the thanksgiving drama she has created. She could toast bread and cut vegetables, but her strong field wasn't the kitchen.

He feels sorry about Addison, she's caring and is compassionate; the whole '_poisoning Nancy_' situation has gotten her a little down. "It's February. Thanksgiving was months ago, she'll be fine. Plus she's been way too nice with you." He says, trying to find a way to make her feel better.

Addison looks down for a small second, "I hope your mom won't comment it that much." She looks up to Derek now.

"Don't get your hopes too high." They both share a small laugh.

She rolls her eyes, "Stop staring at my gorgeousness and be my chef." She lets go of his hand and takes a seat in the nearest chair available.

"There you are, tipsy Addison." He laughs and nods, looking for eggs and flour, knowing he was probably the craziest human being alive, who was willing to cook for his wife in the middle of the night. "By the way, I'm pretty sure you won't get food poisoning with these pancakes." He laughs a little, finding a bowl where to mix all the ingredients.

"You're mean, I don't like you." She jokes, sounding a little serious though.

He rolls his eyes, "Lie."

"Okay, I might love you, but you're still mean." She stares at her husband meanwhile he cooks pancakes for her in the middle of the night.

•

_Present..._

_•_

Their lips parted and they both looked into each other's eyes. Addison has been trapped between his warm arms, and he was glad to share his body temperature with her. The rain had stopped, but the clouds were still there.

"I missed you." He admits, pecking her lips softly, waiting for a reaction from the redhead.

She smiles a little, even if she's not feeling that happy about this whole mess, trying to choose what to do, "me too." She says, now getting comfortable, allowing him to pull her closer to his chest. She got comfortable in there, resting her head on his shoulder, kissing his cheek and closing her eyes.

"Whatever you want to do, I'll be there for you. The whole time. Even if you're caring a stranger's baby." He says softly, knowing she needed some support.

She opens her eyes slowly, thrilled by his words, "Derek... I..."

"I committed a mistake." He cuts her off. "I thought I didn't need you, I thought I never had ever wanted you or... loved you." He apologizes to her, finally.

She frowns, "You thought wrong?"

"I thought wrong. Super wrong." He nods, softly.

She sighs, "I thought wrong too." She did think wrong too.

"About what?" He asks, wanting to hear her. Show that he cared. Because, he did. He _does_.

She sighs again, "Mark."

"Mark?" He's not that surprised.

"I thought he was going to help me seek your attention, maybe make me happier." She looked away, her eyes looking at the door of the shower. "Or cheer me up after a crappy day. I thought wrong by thinking he could be the right guy."

"But you thought wrong." He says, knowing he was insecure too. Knowing there was a weakness; he had a weakness.

She closes her eyes again, "I did think wrong." She sighs again, relieved of talking about the whole Mark situation.

He nods, "That's alright. We thought wrong. I thought wrong about Meredith, too. I thought I had found the right girl."

She shakes her head slightly, "We are so stupid." She chuckles a little and comes back on listening to his breathing, as she was doing earlier.

"Yeah, I've noticed." Derek chuckles.

•

_Years ago..._

_•_

He pecks her lips. "You taste like blueberry pancakes." He says, adding a laugh to the sentence.

She laughs, "Thank you, honey." Addison pecks his lips quickly, and then stares into his eyes and smiles widely at him. "You should cook these at home. I love them."

Derek nods, posing a hand on her knee, running small circles with his index finger, "I would if you would ever let me buy blueberries." He points out.

"We always buy bluerries." She rests an elbow on the kitchen table and looks into his dreamy eyes.

He shakes his head, doing a funny expression, "No, those are cranberries and they don't taste the same."

She smiled at him, sweetly, "Fine. I'll let you buy the blueberries. Only if you promise to cook for me."

"Deal." He nods.

Addison nods. "Deal!"

"Guys?" Nancy surprises them. They didn't even hear the kitchen door opening, or any noise besides their breathings.

Derek jumps on his seat a little, "Dear lord!" Holding a hand to his chest, just like Addison.

Addison breathes, this is her second scarement of the night. "Nancy, you-"

"What? Scared you?" The oldest Shepherd cuts her off, "I'm not that ugly, and please keep your voices down." Nancy requests, closing the kitchen door, walking towards the table where Addison and Derek were.

"Sorry Nance." Addison apologizes.

Nancy looks down at the bowl and the flour, all the ingredients, and then gives Derek and Addison a confused look, "You were cooking?" She directs the question to Addison.

"Not her, me." Derek informs his sister.

Nancy smiles mischievously, "Thank God, you're salmonella free!" The Shepherd sister takes the kitchen stuff and gets it into the sink, besides obviously the ingredients.

Addison and Derek roll their eyes, standing up from their seats and heading upstairs to get some sleep. Addison enters their room first, Derek closes the door and stares at his beautiful wife meanwhile she gets inside of bed. She's exhausted and so is he.

He gets inside of bed and gets closer to his wife, resting a hand on her cheek, caressing it. "Why did you drink that much?" He's concerned. Addison could hide her feelings, she was good at that.

She looks down to her wedding ring, "I couldn't survive the evening without some alcohol in my system." Addison admits, knowing the answer doesn't make Derek any happier.

"Addie..." He tilts the head to the side, giving her a look.

She can feel the judgmental eyes on her, so she looks up to him, "Look, I already had quit to caffeine. We want this and I'm in. I'm sorry if I drunk too much today." She apologizes, knowing she failed herself too.

"Hey, I get why you were drinking." He keeps on stroking her cheek. "The whole '_poisoning Nancy_' thing is rough and I don't judge you, but if we're trying, take care of yourself and of the someone that we might create." His hand stops caressing her cheek and makes a quick move to rest on her flat stomach.

"I know, I'm sorry about today." Her free hand finds his on her belly; they both share a meaningful smile.

"It's fine." He nods slowly, "Come here." He gets closer to her and kisses her passionately and slowly. Tenderly, too.

His hand goes from her stomach to the small of her back, caressing her and pulling her closer to his body. She moans as their kiss keeps on growing.

Their lips break apart, she gives Derek a funny look, "I'm not ovulating yet."

"That doesn't mean I can't get in bed with my gorgeous wife." He chuckles and pulls her into another kiss.

•

_present..._

_•_

"Remember when we were trying?" Derek asks out of nowhere.

She pulls herself closer to his body, in the need of some warmth. "Yeah. We wanted to be parents so bad." She smiles a little, remembering how happy they used to be.

"I'm sorry I never gave you a kid." He feels sorry and disappointed on himself. Addison wanted a kid, a child to raise and take care of, someone to call her son or daughter. But in eleven years, almost twelve, he never helped on making that dream come true.

She rests a hand on his chest. "Don't be sorry. I'll have one soon." Addison knows he doesn't feel completely okay with all of this she's willing to take, in the reward of some happiness and love.

"So, did you choose anyone yet?" Derek tries to play cool.

"I'm still not sure who." Addison replies honestly.

"I wanted to-" Derek was about to speak, and tell Addison some ideas, show some support, but their moment got cut off.

Someone's phone started buzzing. Addison recognizes her ring tone, this way getting out of bed quickly, touching the cold floor with both feet.

Addison reaches for her phone and checks who's calling. "The hell?" She whispers, "Why would Nancy be calling me?"

Derek looks from the distance with eyes widened, "Nancy? As my sister Nancy?" He panicks a little too. The redhead comes back to bed, phone in hand still buzzing.

"Should I answer?" Addison moves some hairs away from her face and sighs, sitting on the bed, covering herself with the covers.

"If you don't she will suspect something is wrong." He tells her. She nods, knowing it's right. Nancy was annoying and could get you to confess your darkest secrets if it was needed.

Addison clears her throat and accepts the call, "Hey! Nancy. What's up? How are you?" She asks with a cheerful tone, getting comfortable in bed, sitting in there meanwhile Derek was still lying in there.

Nancy sighs relieved on the phone, "Addie! I can finally reach you." Something about her voice is disturbing.

Addison nods and notices Derek has moved himself closer to his ear, wanting to hear the conversation too. "Yeah, sorry. I've been pretty busy."

"The last seven weeks? I get it." That's Nancy's way to say : you're a bitch because you've been ignoring me. "Where are you?" The Shepherd sister asks curious and relaxed. The disturbing vibe coming from her voice is still there, it's like she knows something.

Addison frowns a little, "What do you mean?"

Nancy chuckles a bit, "I mean that you said you were going to be in LA, but I called Nae and seems like you had a small runaway from there."

Addison starts wondering why Nancy shepherd called her. They were close, of course, but after their divorce everything had changed and it didn't feel as comfortable as before to keep in touch with Derek's family.

"Oh, that. Yeah, um, I'm not staying there anymore." Addison says frankly.

"Really?! Are you coming back home!? Eric said he called you, sorry about that." She sounds a little sarcastic, but not as much as she could get.

"It's fine. And, no, sadly I'm not." Addison replies, sighing.

"Where are you then? San Francisco? A trip in Europe? Am I gonna have to pay more than I want to pay for this call?" Nancy jokes.

Addison laughs along, "No, no! I'm back in Seattle." She tells the truth.

"What?" She's not as surprised as Addison expected her to be, "You hate that place. We both hate that place." Nancy tells her on the phone, knowing the glamorous Addison Montgomery (Shepherd) couldn't survive in a place where it rained almost everyday of the year.

Addison nods, "Yeah i know." Derek grabs her hand and caresses it meanwhile she keeps on talking to his older sister.

"The only person who likes that place is Derek and only Derek."

"Yeah, that's funny actually." She giggles a little but shuts up immediately, realizing that could sound wrong.

Nancy keeps quiet for less than three seconds and says: "Funny? Wait... you're back for him?!"

"No. What? No." Addison is horrible at faking, "I just figured LA wasn't for me." And it wasn't, but Seattle wasn't either.

"Oh, then Seattle it's for you? Rainy and cloudy everyday?" Nancy laughs at that.

Addison gets closer to Derek and rests her head on his shoulder. "It might ruin my hair sometimes, but it's peaceful." She smiles sweetly, knowing she's there for him. The love of her life.

"Hmm, I see. So, if I knock on Derek's trailer door I'm definitely not finding you in underwear under my brother's sheets?"

Addison and Derek's eyes wide at the question, "You're in Seattle?"

"No. Well, maybe." She chuckles a little.

Nancy ends the call and the trailer door opens, a tall woman shows up and smiles at the shocked expression coming from Addison and Derek. Addison immediately tries to cover herself with the sheets, even if she was wearing a bra.

Nancy smiles, "Good morning love birds."

Derek runs a hand through his hair, "Dear God. What are you doing here?" He doesn't sound happy, not at all.

"This isn't what you think it is." Addison tries to change Nancy's mind, knowing her main idea was having _AddisonDerek _being a thing again.

Nancy closes the door or the trailer and looks at the couple. Derek is pissed. Addison is exhausted, confused and anxious. She's trying to cover herself properly, and Derek is pressing two fingers to his nose.

The Shepherd sister fake laughs a little, "Whatever this is, I'm glad you're back together."

Derek gets out of bed, he was wearing pajamas still, so there was no shame for him to be seen by his sister.

"No." Addison shakes her head.

Derek takes a few steps, "We aren't." Derek follows Addison's game on this; Trying to play cool. He looks directly into his sister's eyes. "What are you doing here anyway? Getting inside of my trailer, giving me looks..."

"Mom wanted me to check on you!" His sister shrugs and smiled at the redhead who was rolling her eyes dramatically.

Derek runs his hand through his hair again, "We've had too much of Nancy this year."

"You make it sound like I'm worse than a witch." Nancy posses her hands on her hips and gives Derek an annoyed look.

"Oh, that's because you are." He whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Derek." Addison says, defending Nancy this time. After all the Shepherd sister had been a sister for her too, a friend.

Nancy smiles at Addison again, "Thanks Addie."

"Welcome." The redhead nods.

Derek stands up from bed again and gets close to his sister, "What do you want, Nancy?"

"I just want to tell you that... I knew it! I knew you two were going to be back together eventually." She smiled brighter now.

"We aren't." Both, Addison and Derek say at the same time.

Nancy shakes her head and giggles a little, thinking she's totally right, "Are you staying at the Archfield or here?" She asks Addison.

"Archfield. And here... sort of." Addison is still feeling uncomfortable under the covers, trying to act as normal and natural as possible. They didn't have sex, they just kissed a couple of times and cuddled. She even cried.

"Good." Nancy Pants nods, " I hope I'll see you for breakfast around there tomorrow then." She grabs her purse that had been left on the couch as soon as she ended her entrance earlier, walked towards the door.

"See you." Addison smiles the best she can.

Nancy opens the door of the trailer, smiles at both, "Goodbye love birds!"

"We aren't back together!" They both yell at Nancy, who now closes the door and makes her way to the cab waiting for her outside.

———

_Took me a while to update :(_

_Sorry about that tho._

_Tell me your thoughts. _

_If there's gramatical errors, I APOLOGIZE!_

_Pls review !_


	6. Flirty

There's small laughs, even spontaneous smiles and looks that seem to be or to contain joy. Addison and Nancy could get along, they always did. Nancy was one of the firsts that welcomed Addison into the Shepherd family, sometimes telling family stories to her, making her feel better after Carolyn would give those awful glares at the redhead. Nancy could survive salmonella after agreeing and trusting Addison wouldn't be able to kill her anytime soon.

The two women share lunch at the hospital cafeteria, actually spending some quality time together and enjoying it. Derek stares at them from far away, not wanting to be seen by none of them. He feels a palm resting on his shoulder suddenly.

"Nancy is back." Mark sighs. Both friends give each other a look, Derek nods. "She's having a conversation with your lover."

"Ex wife." Derek corrects immediately.

The plastic surgeon rolls his eyes, "Same thing." Derek rolls his eyes dramatically, Mark smiles at that;"Now that I'm aware of your relationship with Addison, I'm allowed to bother you about it as much as I want." Mark comments, still staring at the redhead and the brunette woman, both laughing at something together.

Derek short laughs and nods, "And also not allowed to touch one inch of her!" He says.

"Who? Addison or Nancy?" Mark says that, not really joking.

"You're not allowed to touch neither." Derek explains himself better. "Specially Addison."

Mark looks at his best friend and makes a face at him, that frowned one, "And you are?!" Sloan asks.

"You already know about me and Addison." Derek doesn't know if Mark is just messing with him or being serious about that question.

Mark laughs, "I meant Nancy."

"Gross! I would never sleep with my own sister."

"At least she's not _my_ sister." Mark winks playfully and focuses on staring at the women again.

"That doesn't mean you can screw my sister." Derek argues.

Sloan rolls his eyes, "Ugh, fine. I guess I'll have to fill my sexual void with the nurses."

"Seems like a good idea." Derek nods.

"She's not even that good in bed anyway."

"Could you stop talking about that? Just, drop the theme." Derek shakes his head, Mark could be a real pain in the ass.

"I was talking about Addison." Mark says.

"That's a lie." Derek points a finger at his friend.

"Nurse Olivia is way better."

"You haven't been sleeping with her for seventeen years, maybe she didn't show you her best tricks." Derek shuts him up for a couple of minutes by saying that.

"I'm pretty sure she has." Mark likes to tease his best friend, he will not deny that for sure.

Derek shakes his head again, "Shut up Mark, you don't even know her favorite things to do."

"Gentlemen." Miranda Bailey surprises both perverts.

"Doctor Bailey." Derek nods at her as some sort of greeting.

Mark nods along and tries to act natural (apparently), "We were just staring at our relatives, not talking about anything that you didn't want to hear."

* * *

"We should talk." Addison surprises him. He was too busy bothering on revising a patient's chart, that he didn't even notice the sound of her heels approaching, and her height was different as usual, unless...

He looks down to her feet, "You're barefoot?" He makes a face at her and tries not to laugh on her face.

"My heel broke, that's not important." She rolls her eyes, it's already embarrassing to go around without her high heels on, "Just, can we talk?" Addison whispers the question, trying not to catch that much attention.

"How did you break it?" Derek looks down at her feet again. Pedicure and red nail polish, as always, as yesterday, the same color on her feet, always.

"I slipped in the NICU, never mind." Addison shakes her head and gives Derek a look, she's being serious. "I need to talk to you."

He's trying to avoid whatever she wants to say. Nancy could turn everyone insane in a couple of minutes. "Are you hurt or anything?" Derek stares at her beautiful greenish eyes, she's annoyed, he knows this, and somehow he likes how that looks on her.

"Derek!" She snaps.

"Addison." He insists, he wants to change the theme.

She rolls her eyes and sighs, "I'm not hurt. I really need to talk to you."

"Are you sure you didn't twist it? I mean, those things are pretty high." Derek teases her.

"Shut up and listen." Addison is being very serious about this. He doesn't want their relationship to have an end, he doesn't want her to leave him so she can fly to LA and achieve her dreams. He wants her here, achieving her dreams _with _him. "We should end this."

"Addison, you're literally barefoot." He finds way to cut the theme, "Do you even have sneakers?"

"We should stop getting into each other's pants and be mature." This time she doesn't let go, "We're divorced, and I don't think I want any more Shepherd sisters trying to catch us together in bed."

"In my defense, we weren't doing anything dirty, we were just cuddling."

She shakes her head slightly, "Still."

"Look, I want to talk too, I really do. But not now."

Addison gives him a curious look, "What do you mean?"

"You're a terrible faker. I know you are hurt and we can finish discussing later." She tries to make him forget about it. Yes, her foot did hurt a little, but it was barely a twist.

"Derek, I'm okay. I slipped, my heel broke, a nurse had to carry me to an exam room and Doctor Torres checked my ankle, I am fine."

"Carry you?" He laughs a little.

"Don't laugh."

"He should know we have weel chairs."

She bits her upper lip, "It wasn't a he."

"A _female_ nurse carried you to an exam room?" He laughs a little again.

"It's been a pretty embarrassing day already, don't make it worse." Addison begs, trying not to laugh along.

He rests an elbow against the nurse desk, "Tell me more about this nurse."

"Have you ever had the pleasure to work with big Rhonda?" She laughs for sure now, looking at him with dreamy eyes.

He makes a funny face at her, "Addison, that's a _that 70s show _character."

"I swear to God her name is Rhonda too." She moves some hairs away from her face.

"Geez, this world has gone mad. You're barefoot, Nancy is here and Big Rhonda is carrying redheads around the hospital?"

"Are you trying to be a clown so I don't make you hear my complains about _us_?"

"Kind of..." He admits.

* * *

The woman follows him down the hallway, "Hey, Derek!" Nancy calls from behind. Third day she's in town, he doesn't know how he has survived this much. Derek doesn't like this, having to act like he's this annoyed at his sister, when he actually missed her. After all, they are family... but she's still Nancy, sadly.

He turns around and sighs, "Nancy. So, you're still here?" He fake smiles a little, and she takes it as something nice but kind of 'sarcastic'.

Nancy laughs shortly, "And you're still a jerk."

He fights on not rolling his eyes, "Please don't tell me this is about Addison and me not being married anymore."

Nancy short laughs again and crosses her arms over her chest, nurses and attending a walking around them. "You were always meant to be." That's all she says, she turns around and starts walking away.

Derek gets concerned and follows his sister, his hand falling on her shoulder, "Did she say anything to you? or mentioned anything I should be worried about?" _He cares_.

Nancy smiles, knowing her strategy would always work on her brother, "No. why? should I start to dig for information?" She smiles at her brother when he makes a face, a tired and grumpy one. "You should give your relationship a try."

"Are you suggesting this or telling me?" Nancy wasn't that kind of sister that would give away advice, she was the kind of boss lady that would give the instructions to her siblings. Work for them to make, rules to follow.

"I'm just saying, you could be less jerky if you do a romantic gesture." Nancy keeps walking, having Derek near her, listening.

"I have a pretty good idea too, you could be less annoying and go home."

"You could be nicer with your sister and listen to her _girl _mind."

"I'm not feeling very comfortable on talking to you about what Addison and I do."

"I'm not talking about that, you moron. Just.. take her out, do something romantic, make her know how you feel about her."

"Nancy..."

"Yes, I know i'm a pain in the ass, but I want you and Addie to have what you deserve. So, for once listen to me, okay?"

"Is dinner enough romance?" Derek asks.

"Depends where it is."

"Italian. Uh, um, Addison loves italian."

"Are you just mentioning this or asking me?" She's teasing him, trying to annoy him. He doesn't seem to get it though, he's to busy trying to figure out how to make it up for Addison. He wants her, and he wants to make it right.

"Mentioning. _totally_ mentioning." Derek obviously knew that about his favorite redhead, he always knew her favorite things. Whether it was for food, clothes, brands, even for types of sheets. "You've been talking to her... right?"

"You aren't going to get me in the middle of all of this, right?" Nancy asks before answering his question. That was classic Nancy Shepherd, answering a question with a question.

He shakes his head, "No, that would be worse."

"Oh, then yes, I have." She admits.

He's resting both hands on his lab coat pockets, looking at his sister, "Do you know if she wants to end things with me or not?"

"She told you that?" Nancy doesn't sound really surprised, which worries him.

"She did and I avoided her." He self kicks himself for that, at least their conversation yesterday turned out as a funny memory.

His sister bits her upper lip, "Maybe it was because of my suggestion."

"You suggested Addison to 'end things with me'?"

"She asked!"

"I think I will call Kathleen one of these days and ask her to talk to you and find out if you have a bipolar disorder, Nancy."

His sister half laughs and crosses her arms over her chest, "Shut up! But yes, do call her, she misses you too."

"Would _you_ call her?" Derek makes her think about it for a couple of muted seconds.

"No, she's too annoying. Anyway, I suggested her to end things with you, yes, but I did it because she should end things with you, and by things with you, I meant being flirty and slutty but never getting serious."

"Did you just say the word _flirty_ to me?" Derek wants to laugh, hard, really hard, but there's still some respect for his sister in that heart of his.

"Shut up." Nancy rolls her eyes.

"Thinking about it, I will call Kathleen and Liz to make fun of you mentioning the word _flirty_."

"Anyway, I'm meeting with your wife in ten minutes to grab some coffee. You better plan something good." Nancy winks at him and goes away, happy she has played cupid perfectly this afternoon.

"She's not-" It's to late to even finish the sentence, Nancy is already too far away to hear Derek's voice. "my wife."He whispers. She surely isn't, even if he wanted her to be. Their marriage was over, and they somehow found a way to work it out (not the marriage, sadly. only their relationship.)

•••

Derek can recognize the tone of red hair anywhere. He walks towards her, she's standing near a nurse station, talking to Alex Karev. "Addison... can I talk to you for a second?" He asks politely.

The redhead rolls her eyes, she was so inspired on giving Karev a lesson, she turns around and faces him, "Yeah, can it be in a minute?" She asks nicely. "I'm kind of busy right now." Derek laughs a little in return, Addison makes a face at him.

She didn't realize Karev left running when she turned around to speak to Derek, so, for her surprise the only thing she sees is an intern running through the corridor, trying to find his scape from the capitan of the vagina squad.

He laughs, "Seems like you have plenty of time now."

Addison turns around again, and can't help but smile a little at that, an intern running away from her, "I think so." she laughs too.

He looks a little nervous, maybe concerned. Addison likes this, she finds it cute. "You still love Italian, right?"

"Italian as Italy the country, or...?" She teases him, Addison used to do that. She knew what he meant and wanted to ask, for sure, but she liked to tease him, and see that annoying look that could turn into a small cheeky smile or a blush.

He fights a laugh, "The food. Italian food."

She raises an eyebrow and looks at him, not sure what is right to answer, "Why are you exactly asking me this?" Addison keeps on smiling, white teeth visible, beautiful shiny greenish eyes, too.

He shakes his head and fights another laugh, now he realizes he doesn't really know what is flirting in public. Maybe it was easier when there was a right that said _'there's a marriage going on here'. _"Do you like it or not?"

"I do like it." She nods. Addison moves some hairs away from her face, she feels her cheeks blushing and tries to fight a giggle; she isn't successful on that though.

"Ravioli or Spaghetti." _Why is he asking anyway? I'll order whatever i want... Unless this man plans on cooking?!_

"Spaghetti. Why are you acting-"

Derek cuts her off, "Do you feel like spaghetti tonight?" That cheeky smile never fails on making her feel in love with him again.

"Derek, what are you planning?" She doesn't know what he's up to, she could try to guess a thousand times, but she didn't know. She didn't know anything, she barely knew what they were, or what she was doing with her fertile future.

"Some gesture to show you I care."

_He's gonna be romantic... he's gonna be romantic!_

"Whatever it is, I accept." Addison says confident. She doesn't care if there's nurses and other attendings staring at them, judging love birds, starting a new gossip, all of that about them.

"Good. I'll pick you up at 7:30." Those blue eyes look at the necklace she's wearing. _Flourishing. _He still regrets or thinks it would have been a better idea to buy an _A _Necklace, it would not only have a reference about her name, but he could have said A is for _Amor_ which means love in spanish, or something cheesier, like _armor_. Instead, he always felt the F was right for her. It was right for them.

She shakes her head slightly, letting her mouth scape a small giggle, she looks up to those glorious blue eyes and smiles at him, "I can't believe you forgot how to ask a girl on a date." she missed teasing him about this kind of stuff, it was a hobby.

"I didn't have to, I would just drag you to places or you would." That was true. Addison would simply set a date and he would have to get dragged. Or he would insist on going somewhere and Addison would have to suffer later, but he would apologize and make it up to her.

"See you at 7:30, Derek."

* * *

As he said, he shows up at 7:30. She's a wearing a black dress, that shows her smooth and perfect long legs. Derek wears a tuxedo, a good one, a better one than the one he wore at prom. He was excited and nervous about their date, maybe it was cheesy in some way, maybe it was going to be romantic, even if both of them still had lots to discuss and think about, specially Addison.

"You look beautiful." He comments as she approaches to him, Derek looks at her, noticing every detail of the outfit. She smiles and whispers a _'thank you'_, letting him open the door of his jeep for her. He feels a little down there's no F necklace this time, instead there's this simple gold one hanging on her neck, she looks beautiful with or without the F. She is beautiful. All the time. Not only outside, but also inside. She was always the most beautiful woman for his eyes after all, even during his affair with Meredith, he could still recall the woman he met over a cadaver would always be the icon of beautifulness during his whole life. The day he met her, was the day he met what was the real meaning of _beautiful_.

They are both on their way to this Italian place Derek had reservations at. Addison was still new in Seattle, so was Derek, but he had visited a couple of places before her heels walked inside of Seattle Grace for the first time. She seems excited, curious about this place where he's taking her.

"So, Spaghetti or Ravioli?" She teases him. He laughs, noticing that's one of the stupidities he said earlier. His eyes are on the way, but he is wishing his eyes could be staring at her all the time, well, he's gonna get to do that for a couple of hours as soon as they sit down and start eating.

"Ravioli." He teases back, answering her question.

She laughs and shakes her head, "Ravioli? What's wrong with Spaghetti?"

"Well, you picked spaghetti at first and I immediately knew you were gonna feel like ravioli if I ordered them, and I like spaghetti... so, we could share." Addison would always take a bite from Derek's plate, he knew that, he knew that she liked to do that and she knew Derek was always annoyed when she did that, so it was fun and exciting to see him look at her with a small rage that made her feel much attracted to him; It was always like that.

"That makes sense." She nods, "What if I don't want Spaghetti or Ravioli and I order... I don't know, pizza?" Addison knew how to tease him back, another thing that used to drive him crazy, not only crazy (_literally crazy_) but also, he would fall in love deeper and deeper for that fearless redhead with gorgeous eyes.

"In that case you would have to share that pizza and I would offer my Ravioli to you." He winks at her and goes back on concentrating on the road.

She giggles a little and shakes her head, it feels like nothing has changed, "We're so weird, talking about pastas..."

"We are! By the way, how's your foot? I see you're back on wearing those high things."

"Oh, shut up." She replies with that teasing tone and that smile, she had a miraculous charm; "It's just a small bruise." Addison wasn't going to attend in a sexy dress and sneakers to a date, that was totally not an option.

They arrive. Surprisingly, their table is ready and they are attended immediately. Derek thought the service wasn't going to be that excellent since the restaurant was full of people. Addison ordered a glass of cabernet, Derek water, because he was driving her back to her hotel room, but they both knew he would end up taking a few sips from Addison's glass, wether she liked it or not. Their smiles, Oh sweet mercy, _their smiles_. She could swear there was some kind of sparkle on Derek that night, some sensation between them, it was like med school, those first days, this black haired guy would look at her the same way... That black haired guy _is_ smiling and looking at her like in med school.

Is it possible?

_I just know I still love you._

Yeah, it is. It _totally _is possible.

His hand finds hers across the table, "Does it sound stupid if I say that I think I might be falling in love with you?"

Addison shakes her head and smiles brightly at him, "I don't think it makes you sound stupid. I think it makes you sound romantic." There's something on her eyes, he doesn't miss it, it is something familiar.

_Love._

"You do?"

"I do."She nods and squeezes his hand gently.

Derek squeezes her hand back, "I think we sound like cheesy kids telling each other cheesy stuff." It sounds a little funny, the whole _cheesy _thing.

"I think so too, except that, I don't think it's that cheesy." The big bright smile changes to a lip closed one, where her cheeks and eyes are the ones that are the most happy on her expression.

He's a little confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well, cheesy is like you're _overrating _something."

"You're saying we are- that I am overrating this?" Derek is not upset, or angry, just confused and interested about what her big and deep explanation will be.

She shakes her head, "No, not at all. I meant to say that, i think we aren't overrating this and... and I feel like it is how you said it." She's happy with him, she knows it, so he does. Still, there's a lot to talk about, by being cheesy they avoid their problems, what she said earlier about 'ending it', her desire of raising a kid.

"Cheesy?"

"No, romantic." The big bright smile is back.

_There it is._

Derek is going to speak up, "I missed you, Addie. I really did. I don't want you to think that I want to be near you just to satisfy myself sexually, or anything like that-"

She cuts him off, "Wait, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you being _cheesy_?" She teases him a little, but the question was for real, you could understand that by her tone.

"No, I am not. I'm not overrating this, I swear."

"Good. Keep talking." She nods softly, and pays attention.

"I want to make it work. Before, yesterday, when you broke your heel and mentioned that thing about ending this..."

"I wasn't being serious-"

Now _he _cuts her off. "Let me finish; Nancy told me what you were going to mean by that. I don't want to loose you."

"Derek, I don't want to loose you, too, but I don't want to get hurt either." Addison is honest.

"You aren't, not this time, okay? I learned my lesson."

_You mean you learned your lesson by noticing how stupid it is to say you 'fell in love' with a twelve year old intern?_

"And I learned mine, but I'm still not sure of what to do."

"Then what was that about being cheesy?"

"I was just... being honest, I love you, Derek." Her thumb caressing the back of his hand, slowly, "I've always loved you. I can't deny it, there's no way in hell I can deny I'm in love with you; but this is all, so, so, very complicated."

"What do you wanna do about _us_?" He stops her thumb from caressing his hand, and takes her hand properly, now he caresses the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Take it slow. Be flirty, not slutty."

"Nancy gave you that speech too?"

"She did." She nods and giggles a little.

"God, she's way more manipulative than any of my other sisters."

"She is." Addison nods and laughs along with Derek.

For a moment they are okay. There's no more trouble. No more hurt, or confusion. Until reality hits them again, and she finds herself trapped again. The whole dilema of her love life and personal desires and dreams.

•••

_Hi! I AM BAAAAACK. sksksks. anyway, hope you liked this chapter. I really hope i will keep on updating soon enough. by the way, if you have any suggestions, thoughts, or any idea, reviews are always welcome . :)_

_i missed writing about emmm, also, Addie and Derek will argue about the whole 'dilema' thingy and they will get an agreement. _

_— so so soooo sorry about my grammatical errors. _


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